Rainprints

Today was the last day of 2005, a very difficult year for me. As I was running on the beach this morning, it started to rain. Not a sprinkle. Not a down pour. Not a drizzle or mist. A brief, very intentional rain, leaving clearly defined "rain prints" in the sand. A cold, cleansing rain.
Intentional, cold, and steady enough to wash away dust & pain
Brief enough to not wash away the memories or the distinct imprints of the drops
Imprints left as memories of past mistakes that have been washed, healed, cleansed by a faithful Father.
And the wind blew.

Party Preparation

The presents are bought (well, most of them)
And all neatly wrapped (well some of them)
The cookies are baked (except for the ones I mixed up, put in the fridge and forgot about)
Cards are mailed; it's a fact! (well, ONE card got mailed...the rest are still in the process of being addressed)

The tree's decorated (Actually, we got 2 trees this year and only one is decorated so far)
The creche on the hearth (Thanks to Molly)
I'm ready for Christmas
At least in my heart!

Jesus, thank you that all I have to do to be ready for the real meaning of Christmas is to be still and know you. How ironic that our preparations for your birthday celebration are exactly the opposite of being still. Today I will be still and I will know that YOU are God.
-amen

Forgiveness vs. forgiveness

I like forgiving people. It makes me feel really good. I know that forgiveness isn't easy for everyone. You frequently hear about people struggling because they can't forgive someone. It binds them in a kind of slavery. They are filled with bitterness and pain. There is no blessing in their lives. People recognize this. They talk about it. This is not a new concept! But for me the hard part isn't giving it- it's accepting it. And even harder? Accepting it from myself.

Now let's talk about this. If I refuse to forgive myself for something,I live under the condemnation and guilt associated with that unforgiveness. In this behavior, I am placing a higher priority on my self forgiveness than on God's forgiveness. Mine is more desirable and more important than his. And guess what? That doesn't settle too well with God. There are several reasons that this doesn't set well with him. First and foremost might just be the amount of suffering he had to endure to accomplish that forgiveness for me.

In Hebrews 9:22, we are reminded that without a blood sacrifice, there is no forgiveness of sin. And when I reject God's forgiveness in lieu of my own I am asked to show evidence of the blood sacrifice. Exactly where is it, Allison? Don't have it? Empty handed? You bet... and a little humbled. And being humbled is a good thing. If I am going to learn from my sins and repent and "sin no more", I must know the way that I am to walk. In Psalm 25, David declares that God guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way. God cannot teach me if I am prideful and only he can release my feet from this snare of prideful unforgiveness (Ps. 25:15)

Another reason that this preferential treatment of my forgiveness over God's doesn't settle well with him is because of why he chose to forgive in the first place. God forgives "for his name's sake". It's who he is. It's his very nature. Forgiveness is to be equated with his name (Daniel 9:19). When I refuse his forgiveness in preference of my own, I discredit his name! For Pete's sake! Who on earth would want a God whose forgiveness is so feeble that it holds no power over my own? Is this truely how I see God? Do I believe him to be so weak that my ability to forgive holds more power than his own? By accepting God's forgiveness, I can live a life that shines before unbelievers and shows them that God's way is the One True Way, the One True Life. By refusing his forgiveness, I am trashing not only his name but my witness as well. I am disrespecting Jesus' command that I shine for him so that others will be drawn to him.

Yet another reason that my unforgiveness doesn't settle well with God is found in Matthew 6:14-15. If I don't forgive someone (myself included), then God will not forgive me! Wait a minute! How can this be? But I didn't say it; Jesus did! And not just once, either. Even in our Lord's prayer Jesus teaches us to pray that we should be forgiven as we forgive others. Jesus also tells the parable of the unmerciful servant in Matthew 18:21-35. I've always destested this servant! How could he be so unmerciful after he was forgiven of so much! How could he turn around and treat his fellow servant like that! But here I'm finding that I am that unmerciful servant! God has forgiven me of sins too many to be mentioned. It's an unfathomable amount. But I hold unforgiveness over my head for one particular sin- one measurable instance and in doing so, prevent the blessings of God's forgiveness in my own life. According to Psalm 32:1-2, people who are forgiven are blessed. So I can only assume that in being unforgiven, I have stolen my own blessings.

So it takes humility for me to accept God's forgiveness in preference of my own. It takes me placing my pride and my unforgiveness on the altar. They are ugly things to place there but I'd rather them there than on me! And when they are lifted off of me, I can shine like that lamp on the lampstand. And this time I'm not going to let Satan (or me) blow it out!

Sunrises and Such

I only have a minute but I've been thinking about this all day so hopefully I can get it right the first time!
Rod has been talking about a Eugene Peterson book called Christ Plays in Ten Thousand Places for quite some time now. I haven't read it (yet) but I have been blessed by Rod reading it! One of the things he's taught me has been how God chose to teach us about himself. It is in creation that He placed us because this is the way He wants us to know him. We get life, this earth, His creation all for the purpose of learning who He is. There are so many songs out there that talk about us "not belonging here" and wishing our time here away--only to get to the other side- that's our goal. But that is just not what God had in mind. He had in mind that we would live life NOW and abundantly! There is purpose to our life. It's not an accident. Our world was not created by accident and it will not end by accident. An accidental life (for me) just doesn't seem worth living!

With all this in mind, I was so blessed the other morning as I drove our middle son to school and witnessed the most beautiful sunrise that I have ever seen! Now those of you who know me know that I'm not much of a morning person so you might think that me seeing any sunrise is a miracle! But when I was kid, I had a morning paper route and I saw more than the average number of sunrises for a kid. Anyway, it was just such a wonderful thing to look at that gorgeous artwork in the sky, feel God's smile, and know that He was just being there, all obvious and everything, just so I could know Him better.

My son, Will, is quite an artist. Seeing his quirky little drawings gives you a peek into his soul. It lets you see a part of him you could never know any other way. Seeing that sunrise and pondering the Artist behind it was the same way. Seeing the joy he must hold in his heart at the sight of a fresh day for each of us. A new opportunity for someone to know him better. Seeing the passion in the wild pinks and flame oranges. Knowing how passionately he pursues each of us. Seeing how he used all of his palette- knowing how detail-oriented he must be. How he must see even little me and desire that I enjoy him whole heartedly. What an inspiration for all of us, to reach back to him with the power and beauty and passion that he reaches out for us.

Will said, "Wow, Mom, I wish I could draw as well as God!" And I thought, "so do I, Will...so do I."

And Their Number Multiplied Daily

I got a comment immediately when I posted last night. It was a curious comment and I was a little puzzled by it. I had a pretty good idea what it meant, so, just to investigate, I followed the link back to the commenter's blog site. Although you could do the same, I don't recommend that you do!

I guess I'm just glad that there are more Christians talking about this kind of stuff on blogger and other such sites. I'm glad we can be iron sharpening iron. I'm glad we can encourage each other, lift each other up in our virtual community, and make unbelievers question. Even if it's only to question why on earth we Christians waste our time talking about this stupid stuff. Some people waste their time with their heads in toilets. I prefer to use mine in other ways. And as I do, I only pray that someone else like §å®å[¦]*&*TreeNaH comes along and stays long enough to see a little light.

Smelling Sin

I'm attempting to write this post now for the third time. Mostly it's just because I don't have time to think. But because of the pervasiveness of the subject, I find that I'm actually thinking about it all the time. So here goes the exercise of organizing my thoughts.

The subject is sin. "Oh no! Not again!" I hear you all say! Yes, again. This time it's triggered by a little book I'm reading called The Smell of Sin and the Fresh Air of Grace by Don Everts. The title intrigued me and it really is a little book so it didn't intimidate me!

I've wondered for years why I don't seem to know beforehand that I'm going to sin. The "big sins" like stealing and murdering... I mean... sure I would know I was about sin if I were about to engage in something like that but I don't do things like that so the whole issue is a little more cloudy for me. It seems that I sin and then I realize what I've done and then I kick myself for not seeing it beforehand so I could have prevented it. It's so totally defeating to me. But after studying this little book I've come up with a couple of reasons that I think this might happen.

After I sin and see the results of my selfish behavior, I am always sad, remorseful and occasionally repentant. It's at these times I cry out, "If only I had known what this action would have led to then I would have never done it!" But the curious thing is why didn't I see the potential repercussions of my sin? Most likely, it's because my behavior is so often focused only on me and seldom on others. (Ouch... that hurt!) But it's true, I must admit. I am frequently careless with my actions because I believe sin to be an annoyance, a silly rule that got broken, a failed attempt to walk a line that, to me, doesn't seem to have a purpose. My decision on whether or not to sin just doesn't seem to be extremely serious. I see it more as an inconvenience, a slip up, or even a struggle. But not a life or death situation.

Jesus didn't see sin this way. In all three of the synoptic gospels, Jesus says that it would be better for someone to have a millstone tied around their neck and be thrown into the sea than to cause someone else to sin (Matt. 18:6, Mark 9:42, & Luke 17:2). He also says it would be better to saw off your foot, pluck out your eye, or cut off your hand than to sin. Geesh! Why'd he take this stuff so seriously? I mean, we all fail; we all make mistakes! Come on! But that may just be his whole point.

We are all failures. Every last one of us. And the price for that is, according Jesus, "eternal fire". So if every last one of us took Jesus at his word, every last one of us would be at the bottom of Lake Murray (insert your own local body of water) with a cinder block tied around our necks. And then where would we be? No one to subdue the earth as God commanded; His beautiful creation destroyed by their own hands; the fellowship He created us for ablated. Jesus saw the hopelessness of this entire situation. He knew where we were headed. And he came to stop it once and for all. The problem is, we just don't see the problem!

Satan in all his cleverness has made sure that we see our sins as minor trifles, mere annoyances, minimal inconveniences. Most of us aren't murderers and can do fairly well (we think) with keeping those big 10 rules. But the problem is that the first time we think or behave selfishly, we've broken the first one and so whether or not we've ever murdered anyone becomes a mute point. But Satan makes sure that we don't see it that way. He covers our sins over with a pastel mist, breathing into our selfish hearts sentiments like, "Well, she deserved that" and "It really wasn't as bad as all that" and "It wouldn't have been fair to me if it had turned out the way it was headed!". And when you have pastel sins instead of blood red ones, there is really very little need for a Savior.

I believe Jesus. I believe He knew what He was doing when He allowed himself to be nailed to the cross. And if I believe all that, then I have to believe that sin is, as Jesus says, a life or death situation. It's serious. It's important, important enough for Him to suffer an agonizing, torture for me to be able to escape it. I look on the cross and I see a loving Father that understands the significance of my sin infinitely more than I do. And then I realize that my sin is not a mere inconvenience or minor annoyance. It's a slap in the face to a loving parent that sacrificed himself for me. It's like spitting in my mother's face when she greets me at the door with the scent of a holiday meal wafting from the kitchen where she has been toiling away in love. We have to understand what our sin is like, how it smells before we can take seriously its effects. I have to spiritually "blow my nose" so I can get rid of these satanic lies and learn to recognize the smell of sin. And once I know its stench it will be a lot easier to avoid.

Tissue and Nasonex anyone?

In Pursuit of Perfection

On Decemeber 1st I wrote about how disappointed I am in myself that I continually sin. On December 2nd, Oswald writes about what I'm supposed to do with that. How does he do that?

He instructs (as my wise husband has done so often) that it is a snare (a trap set by Satan himself) that I pursue "the manifestations of God in my life" rather than a relationship with God. It's what Rod calls the "trap of morality". I work and work and work at having the fruit of the Spirit. I strive to be sinless, to never make any mistake, to never hurt anyone's feelings, be late, or irresponsible. It's a call to an impossible life; it's a call to death. Exactly the opposite of the life Christ called me to.

Christian perfection is not, and never can be, human perfection. Christian perfection is the perfection of a relationship to God which shows itself amid the irrelevancies of human life.

-Oswald Chambers

To me, this translates that the impossible to acheive human perfection is not and should not be my goal. Instead, my goal must be a communion with God that is so close, so transparent, that all anyone who looks on it sees is God. Not only does that sound do-able but I long for it. I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. (Again, really, really thankful for Paul! -Philippians 3:12)

Body Part du Jour

If your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into enternal fire
-Jesus

I can't do it. I fell asleep last night contemplating it and have sat at the table this morning trying to figure out how I could be brave enough to cut out my tongue. But unfortunately, the more I think about it, it would be my tongue today, my hand another day and my feet the day after that. What about my brain? What happens when it's time to cut that off?

And then I realized something (Ok, this isn't really the first time I've realized this-just the first time I've blogged it). It's not my tongue or my hands or my feet that cause me to sin. It's my nature. Jesus understood this. He knew I'd eventually get to the place where I'd realize how hopeless all this chopping off of body parts is. This is where I crucify my nature on the cross of Calvary- but that seems to be more nice, neat, Christianese for something I can't do. I think it would be easier to cut out my tongue.

I can't stop sinning. I've tried. I keep trying. I keep failing. I sound like Paul. I've been here with him before. So I know where to start reading. Romans 8:1.

Thanks, Paul. I needed that.

Escapee

You should see the beautiful view I have out my kitchen window. The sky is my favorite color of blue- it's a clear, crisp, sophisticated blue- cold but beautiful. And the leaves are red, orange, yellow, brown, and there's still some green out there. There aren't very many birds today...I don't know what they're doing. But I found our bird, Harvie, sitting in the dining room today. No idea how she got out of her cage. Maybe she wanted to go outside and fly in that beautiful view- she has to look at it all day from inside the house- from inside her cage. Maybe there's a bird gathering going on outside somewhere that she caught wind of and maybe she was trying to go- some kind of bird world cup or something. I put her back in her cage. She seemed ok with it.

I wish I was.

Have a Yourself a Generic Little Christmas

Tonight we had the pure parental pleasure of watching our daughter sing in a children's choir for the Governor's Carolighting. What a beautiful experience for her. She even had an ETV camera zoom in really close! The service was beautiful, the music exceptional. It was an inspiring way to launch into the Christmas season.... until the Governor started speaking.

We are fortunate in our state to have a "Christian" governor. He acknowledged at the start of his speech that Christmas truly belongs to the Christians. How sad when he had to continue on struggling to find pertinence for those who "do not hold to the Christian origins of the season". He decided that Christmas offers two positive opportunities for "non-Christians".

First of all, according to our governor, Christmas provides an opportunity for people to practice traditions and experience "togetherness". He related warm memories of his mother reading T'was the Night Before Christmas to him and his siblings. Next, he offered that non-christians could experience a new appreciation for others through gift giving and cited the example of a self-absorbed teen who ponders what his little brother might truly like for Christmas.

How sad that we offer to others a false "meaning" of Christmas during this sacred season in attempt to include them without imposing our "beliefs" on them. How sad that others can only know a portion of the joy we experience as Christians through the true meaning of Christmas. How wonderful that others could experience a full, guilt-free, abundant life in communion with the One true God of the universe, if only we would stop trying to not offend them. What if this Christmas we offered everyone on our gift list Jesus. It just might be the very best Christmas ever!

Contemplations on the Cross

(You'd better have your cup of coffee and some uninterrupted time...watch out! This one's a long one!)

I haven’t blogged in while and I can blame it mostly on Oswald. He’s been talking about the agony of the cross. And it’s hard for me to think about the agony of Calvary without wondering, “why?”. Why did it have to be the cross? Why couldn’t an all powerful God forgive our sins in a less gruesome way? Why did it have to cause Jesus so much pain and shame? Why was this the way it had to be done? Why did it have to be the sacrifice- the painful death- of an only Son? Why such heartbreak to redeem mankind from the slavery of sin?

I came across a verse in 1 Timothy 3:16 that frustrated me but rang so true:

Beyond all question the mystery of godliness is great.

God’s ways are a mystery- beyond my understanding. Yes, I knew that was true:
Isaiah 55:8-9:
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my way,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts

But for me these are almost a cop-out. To say I cannot understand the horror of the cross simply because God is not understandable? Is it my pride that keeps me from blindly accepting this? I want to know the mystery of godliness. I want to understand His ways. Why did God allow me to have this longing?

Ephesians 1:9-10
And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment- to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ.

There it was: a hint, a glimpse, that God wanted me to understand his ways. It is God’s will that Christ be the way- the One, that brings God and mankind together again. And we, according to this verse, can know this.

Isaiah 53:10-11
Yet it was the Lord’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer and though the Lord makes his life a guilt offering, he will see his offspring and prolong his days, and the will of the Lord will prosper in his hand. After the suffering of his soul he will see the light of life and be satisfied; by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many and he will bear their iniquities.

God is all powerful. He could save the world in any way He saw fit. And He saw fit that it be the sacrifice and torture of His only Son.

1 Timothy 2:5-6
For there is one God and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, who gave himself as a ransom for all men.

Jesus is fully God and fully man. Mankind can look upon him and claim him as a sacrifice from humanity to God. God looks upon him and sees the holiness of Himself, sacrificed for mankind. And God and man are brought together through the perfection of this sacrifice of Jesus. Both God and man find his sacrifice an acceptable atonement for sin.

For me the agony of the cross is sufficient to move me to repentance. I look on it and am ashamed that my sin is significant enough to cause this suffering. I am truly sorry for the anguish I have caused Him. I am moved to turn from my wickedness and become totally a slave to Christ. Thank God that He knew what I needed to move me towards Him. How sorry I am that Calvary is what it took.

Thanksgiving

...family, health, transportation, food, shelter, clothes, a job, electricity, sunshine, moonbeams, stars, rainbows, snowflakes, rain, flowers, butterflies, puppies, dolphins, oceans, clouds, rivers, trees, moss, swings, bluebirds, children, dancers, music, art, poetry, guitars, violins, pianos, fires, swimming pools, smiles, laughter, hugs, kisses, love, sleep, sweaters, jeans, shoes, blankets, chocolate, ice cream, pumpkin pie, peanut butter, meatloaf, biscuits, gyms, bikes, aerobics, cellphones, blogs, friends, orange, forgiveness, grace, mercy...

Thank You.

Stand Still and Breathe

In my ponderings on the subject of reconciliation, I read a prayer on the subject in a book called Body Prayer. First of all, let me explain that a body prayer is an active prayer in which the pray-ers are guided into actions that help them to understand more deeply about that which they are praying. For example, the instruction 'to rise from a seated position to a standing position using the strength of your arms' might help one to see that the act of reconciliation is something that requires an effort on our part- something that we do not sit idly by and "simply allow to occur".

The authors instructed me to move into a stance that, for me, demonstrated a humble submission to God. They had me breathe deeply, which to me represented the importance of the Holy Spirit in the whole process. As I participated in the prayer, one thing in particular struck me. It was a prayer of "standing still"; the authors had even subtitled it that.

Reconciliation requires one very large effort on my part: that of being obedient to the point of surrender. After that, it's an act of standing still, keeping my hand out of the pot, keeping my mouth shut and my focus on the breathing in and the breathing out of the Spirit of God. Resting in Him in this way is so freeing. I'm so glad that all I am asked to do is stand and breathe. He does all the hard work; He always has- the first sacrifice in the garden for Adam & Eve's clothes; the last sacrifice of His precious Son on Calvary.

It is God's hope and desire that all creation be reconciled- that is, brought into whole relationship and made compatible with God's intentions for the world...Peace is ahead of my steps; it will be waiting for me...

-Doug Pagitt and Kathryn Prill, Body Prayer

A Father's Legacy v.2

I've been reading a lot lately about the concept of "reconciliation". People being reconciled to God and people being reconciled to one another. The dictionary says that "reconciliation" means the "reestablishing of cordial relations". It's extremely important to God that we be reconciled to one another because we are to be like Him. Him living in us causes us to seek reconciliation with others because that's who He is- a God of relationship. He sacrificed His precious only Son so that we could "reestablish cordial relationship" with Him. He expects no less of us.

As I searched scripture regarding this concept of reconciliation, Matthew 5:23-26 kept popping up. I wanted to read it in context and realized that it was part of the Sermon on the Mount. This particular passage is nestled in the topic of murder. At first I was puzzled. Why on earth did He preface an instruction to be reconciled with one another with a discussion of murder? I liked the way that Eugene Peterson put it in The Message, "The simple moral fact is that words kill". Boy, don't I know that? Careless words or thoughtless actions destroy relationships and cause us to have to seek reconciliation. It's so easy to stop there. But Jesus didn't.

He went on to discuss adultery. Obviously adultery destroys relationships but Jesus points out that even lustful thoughts are divisive. And on to empty promises in which we say we will do one thing and then fail to do it. There are so many ways we break each other's hearts as well as God's; so many reasons for us to have to seek reconciliation. He's still teaching on reconciliation here: how do I know? Because the next section is called "love your enemies".

It's that "instead" part of grace that my friend in Ontario talks about. When others hurt you, do not respond in kind but, instead, love them; respond with the energies of prayer. For that is what God does.

In a word, what I'm saying is, Grow up. You're kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you

-Matthew 5:48 The Message

My God-created identity: that part of me that looks just like my Dad. Talk about a Father's legacy!

Carried

Hold me in your arms and gently rock me
Let me feel your heart beat on my face
Let me hear the words it softly whispers
And learn your voice while in your warm embrace

Hold me here and never let me wander
Break me as you need to keep me here
Let this precious moment spent here with you
Bring visions of the peace that lies so near

When the pain begins the road to healing
May wandering for me hold no appeal
Let my thank-you's spring from true thanksgiving
And faithfullness result from the ordeal

Who Knew?

Wow...you're in for it now! I've been plagued with trying to understand exactly what role "grace" has in destroying "the root of bitterness". It has bothered me all day long. So much so that I pulled a Mary and sat at my kitchen table all day looking up scripture references on grace. There are over 90 references to grace as a character trait of God listed in the study guide part of my Disciple's Study Bible. I knew I'd never get through them all today but I started at the beginning anyway ... Genesis .... (sigh).

I've always preferred the New Testament verses over the Old Testament. I used to think that the Old Testament just wasn't as easy to understand or apply to my circumstances. But I respect the fact that it's first and the beginning is supposedly a very good place to start.

As I read about God's character of grace and the commentaries on it, I realized that I was learning who God is. God seems to really enjoy giving us absolutely everything we need: enter a lamb for Abraham's sacrifice and manna from heaven. Apparently, this is grace. He also prefers to dish out mercy and forgiveness, to save us from destruction when, in fact, He's quite justified to blow us off the planet: enter Lot and his family when Sodom and Gomorrah are destroyed. He enjoys turning devastating events into wonderfully, good things for those who choose to follow Him: enter Joseph sold into slavery and thrown in prison only to save his family by rising to a position of power second only to Pharoh. He loves to reward faithfulness with blessing: enter Hannah, barren and depressed, who gives her blessing baby, Samuel, to the service of God. God in turn blesses her with more children. Enter midwives who refused to kill the Israelite boys being blessed with families of their own. Enter Solomon who asks for wisdom instead of riches. God surely smiled as He gave Solomon both because He was pleased with Solomon's choice.

God wants to bless us. He wants to supply our needs. He wants to turn our devastating events into huge victories. This, apparently, is grace. He even desires to cheat death for us. In His mercy and grace He found a way around it. And I wasn't reading in the New Testament, Isaiah, or Psalms. It was in 2 Samuel 14:14

Like water spilled on the ground which cannot be recovered, so we must die. But God does not take away life; instead, He devises ways so that a banished person may not remain estranged from Him

I believe they're talking about grace here.

A Trip to the Throne

This week in Bible study, we've been studying "the joy of moral freedom". While "filling in the blanks" I was caused to ponder the role of bitterness in my sin. The author said this:

The hurts of the past and our refusal to forgive those who have wronged us provide fertile ground for bitterness to flourish. Bitterness, left unchecked, makes us more apt to succumb to- or even pursue- sensuality (sin) and to subconsciously justify it in our mind, on the basis of how deeply we have been hurt. Bitterness is like poison; it defiles. Forgiveness is the only antidote. You cannot hold on to harbored hurts and pursue purity at the same time.

I never really thought I had much of a problem with bitterness. (You know, I say things like that a lot; don't I? This might be a problem!) Anyway... back to bitterness! I never thought I had much of a problem there but the more I delve into it, I find that bitterness has been at the root of most of the major, heartbreaking sins in my life. It's as if because I'm nurturing that pain, I seek out opportunities to sin to kill the pain. Why on earth does my brain work that way? (Here, insert true shock, frustration, and confusion!) Why would someone believe that sinning would kill pain?

In the related scripture (Hebrews 12:15-17), Paul describes how Esau, who was focused on his physical pain of severe hunger, hastily traded his birthright (with it's associated blessings) for a single meal. A single, short lived, comfort from the physical pain. A single sin rooted in self absorption with life long consequences. His blessing would never be restored. And how many single, self focused, bitterness encased sins have taken their toll on my life and blessings?

God assures me that obtaining His grace is the answer to avoiding the root of bitterness and falling prey to the temptation to sin (verse 15). This amazing thing called grace enables me to live a life that will please God. I can no more live a "good Christian life" on my own than I could save myself from eternal death; both receiving and living that life are dependent on God's grace. It is God's grace that enables me to live a life without bitterness. He promises that where there is sin (i.e.: bitterness), His grace is there in even greater amounts to conquor it (Rom. 5:20-21). Jesus lived a life without bitterness yet he can relate to my desire to hold on to my pain for he was tempted in the same way all of us are tempted.

So then, I will approach the throne of grace with confidence, with Jesus there as my high priest, so that I may receive mercy and find grace to help me in my time of need (Hebrews 4:16).

Wanna come?

A Night in the Bow

wind, waves, roaring storm
chaos churning; and he speaks
peace, rest, know I AM

Ephesians 5:1

Lord, how would You have me be today?

Be an imitator of Me

Love beyond where it hurts
Be merciful and full of compassion
Fear not to expose evil
Seek reconciliation for broken relationships
Walk in truth and light
Rejoice in righteousness
And be holy, for I AM holy

That It May Go Well With You

One of the things that frustrates me most about my beautiful daughter is that when asked to do something, she always has a comment about why she doesn't or shouldn't have to do that. She may still perform the requested task but it's always with a comment. You know the type:
"I didn't put it there!"
"It's not mine!"
"It's just going to get messed up again anyway!"
"Who died and made YOU God?"
(Now, she's never actually said that last one to me but I know with the teen years coming it's only a matter of time!)
And my response is always the same. Frustrated, I fume, "Just do as I asked. I didn't ask if you wanted to do it, I just said 'do it!'" But usually if I say something like that we end up in a debate/discussion about why the task needs to be accomplished by her, now. And the most frequent way for it to end is by me saying, (screaming), "BECAUSE I TOLD YOU TO!"

Today's Oswald is about the very same thing. Obedience without excuse making, debating, complaining, or hesitation. Why that today? Why does he have to talk about immediate obedience when I have to do something that God's asked me to do today that I don't want to do? I've discussed it over and over with Him, explaining to Him that what He's asked isn't really necessary, He's blowing the whole thing out of proportion, you know?

I began to ponder if everyone in the Bible was as perfect at obedience as Abraham and Jesus. I just wanted to read about someone whom God loved that was just as disobedient as me. I wanted to see how it all went for him. It didn't take me long to think of Jonah. Praise God for Jonah!

I've never really identified personally with Jonah. I've always thought that if the great voice of God told me to do something I'd do it immediately, no matter how awful or absurd it sounded. Problem is, I've never really believed God would ever ask me to do something. Yet he does.

He doesn't ask me to go to Ninevah. (He asks me to be there for someone who's not very likeable, to reach out to them, love them, and be Jesus to them.) He doesn't ask me to sacrifice my child. (He asks me to not be so busy carting my children around that I don't have time for him.) He doesn't ask me to die for the sins of the world. (He asks me to die to self so that I will know what it is He's asking me to do.) And he doesn't allow for me to learn this in any other way than through obedience. It's through obedience that I learn that He's got my best interest in mind.

When I realize that, truely believe it, then the excuses can stop and I can go do what it is I need to do today knowing that because of who He is, it will all turn out for the best.