Planting Joy Seeds

I have posted 105 times in the past year and six weeks. I have not posted at all in the past 5 weeks. I sat down this morning and looked over some of my old posts and marveled that I ever had that much to say. I'm quiet now. There has been a blanket of gray over things lately...much like the sky today. It's something I just can't seem to shake. This gray thing has spawned hungry searches through scriptures, prayer, and perusals over books on the Pursuit of God (Tozer) and the Power of Asking (Chambers). I know that God has promised that if we seek Him with all our heart, He will be found (Jeremiah 29:13-14). And I know that it's Jesus' desire that we our joy be complete (John 15). And since I can't seem to find either God or joy, I began to wonder what was wrong with my search. Sometimes there's nothing wrong with our search methods. Sometimes, I think, we just look for the wrong thing.

Nancy Leigh this morning had a guest that said,

People tend to think that if you have the Lord, then you ought to be joyful all the time. But that’s really not the picture that we have in the Bible of anybody who was walking with the Lord. Do we have the joy of the Lord in the midst of trial and difficulty? Yes. But we also suffer grief and sorrow and we live in a fallen world. Part of what that means is that I’m not going to be happy here—the way in which I’m going to be happy when I’m there, when I’m standing with the Lord.

This seems so two sided to me- talking from both sides of her mouth. What is this "joy of the Lord" if it doesn't produce joy here and now? Why only a joy for a future life in Heaven? I'm not against having suffering and sorrow. What I'm against is saying that there is this joy that I'm supposed to have all the time that isn't joy as I know it. It's some different kind of joy.

When you read about joy in the Bible, it seems to me to be the kind of joy that I'm familiar with. (Try it: Go to Biblegateway.com and put the word "joy" in the search box. See if it's not a joy you recognize!) It's joyful dancing in the streets when a battle has been won. It's leaping for joy at the birth of a baby that was believed impossible. It's joy at gazing on God's creation. I know these kinds of joy. And these kinds of joy can be squelched by death, injury, pain, sorrow, sin, sadness, shame, monotony, self-absorption, pride... the list goes on and on. If I listed all the joy-squelchers I'd be here all day!

But something else I noticed while I read these entries on joy was that much of the joyful writers' joy came from knowing that God was in control (see Psalm 97 especially). He speaks of Light-seeds and Joy-seeds being planted in my heart simply from realizing that God is in control. And in Isaiah 55, God says that the covenant He has made with us is that of a "sure, solid, and enduring love". So the God in control has a sure, solid, enduring love for me that isn't going to quit- that can withstand the storms of any death, injury, pain, sorrow, sin, sadness, shame, monotony, self-absorption, pride.... He will still be in control. He will still love me. According to Isaiah 35:8, God's road is a road of redemption, where joy is unfading. A road where He is buying me back from a life of monotony and self-absorption. So I go out on that road of redemption and walk into a life of joy that is complete (Isaiah 55:12-13). A life that knows that God is in control, despite the gray. And then, in my heart, a little tiny seed of Light is planted- a joy-seed.

It's good to know I don't have to wait until Heaven to have joy.

I Love That Scent You're Wearing!

Rod recently bestowed upon me my very own i-Pod, complete with over 700 songs. One of my very favorites is Scarborough Fair, performed exquisitely by Gypsy Soul. An odd little song with a haunting melody, I've never been quite sure what it was about- until now. I've always wondered why they sing, over and over again, "Parsely, sage, rosemary, and thyme". And I think I've figured it out- it's about scent and memory. Anyone who has cooked with fresh herbs knows they are heavy, unique scents. This lover is remembering her true love who is gone away and for some reason, the scent of parsely, sage, rosemary, and thyme bring back his memory.

There's a scientifically proven link between scent and memory. No other sense can trigger memory as strongly as smell. I think this is interesting when considering the verse from Isaiah that says,

Yes, Lord, walking in the way of your laws, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desire of our hearts. (Is. 26:8, NIV)

Now, you may be wondering what scents have to do with this verse- so I'll have to tell you!!! (Watch out! I've been looking up Hebrew words again!) Since I have recently studied "delight" and that word was sometimes translated "desire", I started wondering what this particular "desire" meant. This was a different "desire"- this one is nephesh, meaning the very inner being of who we are- our essence, our soul, appetite, mind. So ponder that: The very essence of my being, my soul, my appetite, desires this thing- that's a deep desire- and for what? The desire is for "God's name and renown".

Hmmm. God's name and renown. I am to have a deep, essence-being desire for God's renown. What does that mean? So I looked up "renown". And here comes the smell... renown is the Hebrew word zeker meaning scent, memory, memorial, remembrance. There they were- scent and memory in one word- together. We are to desire with our innermost being- our very essence- the scent of God- the memory of Him.

Smells are not private things. Just walk down the mall near a Yankee Candle store and you know everyone else is smelling it too- like it or not! We strive to cover our own personal scents with things like deodorants and perfumes. And it is the scent of God that we are to desire to conjure up. We are to desire His scent to be present where ever we are. It's who we are- what we are about in our very essence. And when we bring up this scent of God it will not be a private thing- it will be noticeable to others.

I wonder how often I actually conjure up the scent of God- or even how often it is in my very essence to desire to do so. Can I really claim what Isaiah says as my own, real, desire? Oh how I want to. I want it the way Paul describes it:

In the Messiah, in Christ, God leads us from place to place in one perpetual victory parade. Through us, he brings knowledge of Christ. Everywhere we go, people breathe in the exquisite fragrance. Because of Christ, we give off a sweet scent rising to God, which is recognized by those on the way of salvation—an aroma redolent with life. But those on the way to destruction treat us more like the stench from a rotting corpse.
-2 Corinthians 2:14-16 The Message

I want the scent of Christ to eminate from me and to call to mind the God of the universe that others would be drawn to Him. But how does one achieve this? Obviously they don't sell this scent at Bath and Bodyworks but sadly enough, I believe many think they can slip into church and pick it up at the altar on the way out, much like shopping at Bath and Body. No, this scent comes from staying in close proximity to our Lord.

Sometimes Rod rubs my face with his just before he leaves for work for the day. All day long I can smell his cologne from where it rubbed off on me. This is much the same way we are to obtain that scent of God for others to smell. Rub up against Him- close against Him- closer still. So close that His scent rubs off on you. And stay there- praying, praising, reading His word, pondering Him. Then, when we go out into the world, we smell like Him. And who knows what the result of that might be?

Active Delight

He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.

I ran across this verse yesterday in 2 Samuel 22:20 and I pondered what it meant for God to delight in me. To me, the word "delight" means that I enjoy something. I would be "delighted" with a gift, or your company, or dessert! Was this the kind of delight David was talking about? It didn't really seem the same to me, so I looked it up at Crosswalk.com in the Hebrew lexicon.

The word translated here as "delight" was used 71 times in the Old Testament. It was used when Boaz was committing himself to Ruth as her kinsmen redeemer(Ruth 3:13). It's the word used when Isaiah says that God's word will not return without accomplishing what he desires, what he pleases (Is.55:11). It's also the word he uses to say that it was God's desire, his pleasure, to bruise his servant (Is.53:10). It's the delight that is used when Shechem delighted in Dinah that resulted in her kidnapping and rape and ultimately his murder (Genesis 34).

At first it seemed that there were a lot of different meanings. But as I studied each entry, I saw that each time, the delight resulted in something. It was not a static delight like my delight of receiving a gift or experiencing something. It consistently resulted in action. It is the desire of actively seeking. The desire that takes us where we want to go and accomplishes the goal. It found a redeemer for Ruth. God's word accomplishes his will. Jesus was bruised, crucified, killed for us. Dinah's innocence destroyed. And in 2 Samuel 22:20, it resulted in David's rescue.

This is the kind of delight God has in his children. A delight that results in action. It is not a stationary, effect-less delight. God is not far away, uninvolved or removed from his children. Jeremiah 9:24 says that God delights (same word) in loving kindness, judgement, and righteousness in earth. That means that he will accomplish these things. And because we are his, I believe it is through us and in us that these delights will be accomplished.

I like accomplishing what I set out to do. There is little more frustrating to me than to look back over my day and to admit that I have accomplished nothing. In the Psalms, the word is used 17 times but only 5 of those times does it refer to mankind's delight (and one of those five is our delight for war!) People on the whole are probably not exceptionally good at using our desires or delights to accomplish great things. But according to the psalmists, the greatest delight we can shoot for is to delight in our God. Delight in a way that moves us towards him. Delight in a way that improves us and honors him. So I'll leave you with these verses to ponder... and a wish that you have a delightful day!

Psalm 40:8 (NIV)
I desire to do your will, O my God;
your law is within my heart.

Psalm 73:25 (NIV)
Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

Psalm 112:1 (NIV)
Praise the LORD.
Blessed is the man who fears the LORD,
who finds great delight in his commands

Psalm 119:35 (NIV)
Direct me in the path of your commands,
for there I find delight.

Breaking the Illusion Addiction

I must admit that lately, I have been discouraged. And today's Oswald was about exactly that. Poor Moses. Can you imagine as a young, influential prince of Egypt, knowing that God had placed you there to liberate your oppressed people only to have Him chunk you to the desert to feed sheep for 40 years? What discouragement!

Sometimes when we are discouraged, we say that we have become "disillusioned". I believed God wanted me in that place doing that certain thing but now it has become obvious that that is not where he wants me. When people become disillusioned, it is sometimes quite easy to become bitter or cynical. "After all I've suffered through, I can tell you what the world is really like!" But Oswald teaches that becoming disillusioned can actually be a very good thing- a very freeing thing. Becoming dis illusioned means becoming free from the magical thinking you have created surrounding a certain circumstance or person. (July 30th) Jesus was consistantly free from illusions or magical thinking. Oswald points out that Jesus never trusted human beings because He knew our hearts, he knew what we were made of. This didn't cause him to become cynical or bitter; it caused him to encourage us to move on. When the disciples fell asleep at Gesthemane, Jesus finally said, "Go ahead and sleep" and then upon returning the last time asked them to wake, get up and get moving- on to the next thing. He accepted that they were unable to do as He requested and accepted what they were capable of doing. He did not have false expectations. He did not have illusions about what we were able to do. (See Matthew 26:43-46)

One of the things I like to do is to read past the ends of "chapters" in the Bible and see how what follows is really part of what preceded. Knowing that the writers didn't put the chapter breaks in, I like to pretend they're not there and often it gives me a new insight into the subject. Take, for example, John 2:24-25, the end of the second chapter of John.

During the time he was in Jerusalem, those days of the Passover Feast, many people noticed the signs he was displaying and, seeing they pointed straight to God, entrusted their lives to him. But Jesus didn't entrust his life to them. He knew them inside and out, knew how untrustworthy they were. He didn't need any help in seeing right through them.
-The Message

The first part of the next chapter is the story of Nicodemus questioning Jesus about how one is to be born again. It's quite possible to forget about the last verse in chapter 2 while you are reading this story- the verse that says that Jesus held no false beliefs about humans- he knew their hearts and what they were made of- the verse that says how he knows how untrustworthy we are. But reading on, with that in mind, you come to verses 19-21, where Jesus says to Nicodemus,

This is the crisis we're in: God-light streamed into the world, but men and women everywhere ran for the darkness. They went for the darkness because they were not really interested in pleasing God. Everyone who makes a practice of doing evil, addicted to denial and illusion, hates God-light and won't come near it, fearing a painful exposure. But anyone working and living in truth and reality welcomes God-light so the work can be seen for the God-work it is.

There it is: Jesus says that this is our crisis: we are addicted to denial and illusion. This is obviously not his crisis because back in chapter 2, we read that Jesus had no illusions (no misrepresentations, no magical thinking) about what we are and what humans are capable of. He didn't trust us. But it didn't make him not love us, either. Jesus wasn't discouraged because he was free from illusions. He saw the picture the way it was- no rose colored glasses.

I don't know if I'm getting across what I'm wanting to say today. It's just that I think this is huge- to see the source of our pain- our disappointment- our discouragement- as the illusions we are addicted to. Moses addicted to the illusion that he could free his people under his own power as a prince of Egypt- disillusioned by 40 years in the desert feeding sheep as a fugitive. Peter addicted to the illusion that he could fight to the death for his Lord- disillusioned by three previously forewarned denials of the same. Saul of Tarsus addicted to the illusion that he could best serve his God by killing all the Christians in his power as a Pharisee- disillusioned by a blinding vision that incapacitated him and possibly left him with his "thorn in the flesh" but changed his life forever, allowing him to become the very disciple of the Jesus he was trying to obliterate. Being disillusioned is no cause for cynism or bitterness- no reason to become discouraged. It is a call to a new life, where I am made into something God can really use. The magical thinking about how things would be done if I were God is removed. And I am left with clear vision of Truth and Reality in which I can walk in and welcome the God-light. None of me...all of God.

Dishwasher Dogma

Last night, as I helped my youngest work on a report about inventions, she complained that she didn't want to know anything about dishwashers- dishwashers were stupid. There was no amount of expository preaching on my part capable of convincing her that finding out about how or why dishwashers were invented could be fun or interesting. Now take that dishwasher away and make her chore actually washing the dishes as opposed to only unloading the dishwasher and her tune might change. That's because she has a "relationship" with the dishwasher; she has experienced it and now can see what a change it has made in her life!

This morning's installment of Oswald was entitled, "Whereby Shall I know?" or "How shall I know?" He explored how we come to an understanding or knowledge of the ultimate Truth. It is through obedience, not study- through experience, not fact recitation- that we come to know God- to have relationship with Him- to love Him.

Anyone can read a Bible and have factual knowledge of God. That does not mean that they will be changed. I know people who can recite John 3:16 in multiple translations (and maybe even several languages) that haven't been truly changed by what it means to be "so loved". They are still filled with bitterness, unforgiveness, judgement, hatred, worry, anxiety, self-centeredness. (Whoa...some of those things hit just a little too close to home...)

Jesus said that if we love him, we will obey him- that if we love him, we will continue doing what he was doing- that we would be about his work, continuing it. And that if we needed him to do anything to help us continue his work, all we need do is ask and he would give. (See John 14:11-14) (On second thought, just read John 14!) Those who had experienced a relationship with him would continue his work, would find it interesting, would pursue what his heart pursued. While those with only knowledge of him, without relationship with him, would attempt to kill him.

This summer, before we went to Petit St. Vincent, I was so excited about it I read everything I could about the place. I would google search PSV every other day, just to see if any new blog sites, travel reviews, or websites had popped up over night. I knew that most travel books in Barnes and Nobles contained only a paragraph or two about PSV. I simply could not get enough information about it. And then we went there...I experienced it. There is nothing like it, no way I could explain it. I didn't blog about it- I couldn't do it- it was too overwhelming, too wonderful. It would take multiple entries to express to you what I experienced there. So many entries, you'd be sick of it! I just didn't even try. (Well, I did try- I just couldn't bring myself to type anything!)

I think that's what Oswald's trying to say about a relationship with God. That until you experience it, it doesn't change you. You can know about it, you can fight it, you can pretend you've been there when you haven't. And you will continue to walk in darkness. But those who know him, who have experienced him, who have obeyed him, have come into a relationship with him that has changed them forever. They have seen a great light and no longer walk in darkness(Isaiah 9:2). This relationship is gained only through experiencing him. And experiencing him requires that you step out on faith and obey. You do what he does. You follow his heart. You may not be able to explain it to someone but you know it's true anyway. You've experienced the dishwasher... and it's a good thing.

Jesus once again addressed them: "I am the world's Light. No one who follows me stumbles around in the darkness. I provide plenty of light to live in."
The Pharisees objected, "All we have is your word on this. We need more than this to go on."
Jesus replied, "You're right that you only have my word. But you can depend on it being true. I know where I've come from and where I go next. You don't know where I'm from or where I'm headed. You decide according to what you can see and touch. I don't make judgments like that. But even if I did, my judgment would be true because I wouldn't make it out of the narrowness of my experience but in the largeness of the One who sent me, the Father. That fulfills the conditions set down in God's Law: that you can count on the testimony of two witnesses. And that is what you have: You have my word and you have the word of the Father who sent me."
They said, "Where is this so-called Father of yours?"
Jesus said, "You're looking right at me and you don't see me. How do you expect to see the Father? If you knew me, you would at the same time know the Father."

-John 8:12-19 The Message

Caught in His Gaze

I've shared with you that I've been having trouble with worship. Along with that, I'm having trouble with Chris Tomlin. Unfortunately, he's simply an innocent victim of my disgruntled state. So tonight I thought it odd when I thought I clicked my link to Oswald on the top of my screen, a blog of "Chris worship" popped up on my screen! It was a blog with two or three posts completely devoted to Chris Tomlin: seeing him in concert, blurry pictures of the band during the concert, introducing the new guy in the band, a narrative of everything he said and every move he made during the concert, blah, blah, blah. Frustrated, I scrolled down and read a little bit, trying to figure out how on earth this strange blog had "randomly" appeared on my grumpy computer screen! After a few minutes, I figured out that my "Oswald" link was directly above the link for "next blog" on my home page- my finger must have slipped...

So when I read Oswald, he said,

Then Jesus, looking at him (her), loved him (her) . . ." ( Mark 10:21 ). This look of Jesus will require breaking your heart away forever from allegiance to any other person or thing (gulp). Has Jesus ever looked in this way at you? This look of Jesus transforms, penetrates, and captivates. Where you are soft and pliable with God is where the Lord has looked at you. If you are hard and vindictive, insistent on having your own way, and always certain that the other person is more likely to be in the wrong than you are, then there are whole areas of your nature that have never been transformed by His gaze.

Don't you just love Oswald???

The Pursuit of Truth

Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth.

For some, I wonder how difficult that must be: to engage their spirit- in anything! What does it mean to engage your spirit?

I know for me, it means being able to face myself and to recognize, if only vaguely, what I see. To reach down inside myself and be familiar with the feelings, the thoughts, the emotions, the very character of myself. I believe that for many, this is a very difficult thing to do.

This morning my son showed me his blog where he discussed being able to look into another's eyes and see- truly know- who they are. And that for some, this was extremely difficult. They cannot bear to look into another's eyes, let alone to their own spirit.

I have often felt that society has encouraged me to ignore or suppress my spirit. I was to look as much like someone other than me as possible. Added to that, if I looked at what was deep inside of me- who I was, what I felt and believed- it was frightening. If others knew those thoughts, feelings or beliefs, they might disagree- they might look down on me or worse- those things deep inside of me might actually be wrong. And if I engaged my spirit in these things, I would have to deal with all that. It was easier to not look- to disengage.

Over the past year and a half, I have come to realize that we all have "wrong" deep down inside. And that if we don't face it- head on- there is no peace, no life, no joy. There is only this striving to be like everyone else (who in reality are all striving in vain as well). And because some of the things we have to face when we do face ourselves head on are so ugly, so difficult, so depressing and shameful, it's best to face them with Someone who can do something about them.

The verse doesn't say to fix all these things, to change them in our pursuit of truth. It says that our worship and adoration of God must be done while "engaged"- in touch, involving our spirit where all these things that make us who we are are lodged. We come before God in all our shame and all our glory, knowing who we are, presenting the bad, good and the ugly.

And we pursue Truth.

And when we find It, It changes us.

Moving Through an Open Door

I love having new and unexpected readers! I was checking my site meter today and found a google search for "describe praise in motion". And for some reason, the searcher chose to come to my page. I doubt that they read my "Praise in Motion... Princesses?" post once they saw where they were but it still got me to thinking.

I've been having problems with praise lately. With the transition going on at church, it's been hard to feel God as a friend and praise has been difficult. I know in the depths of my soul that He is truly a friend. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that when I look back on this difficult time, I will be able to see how it was a good thing and that He was being the best kind of friend. Praise will be easier then. But for now, it's not.

I want that to change. I want to praise Him and feel the intimacy that I've come to know. I'm not mad at Him; I'm just hurt. And until I read a little on how God wants us to worship, I believed that that pain had to be gone before I could worship Him in "spirit and in truth".

When I looked up the verses about worshiping in spirit and in truth, I found to my delight that they are the very words of Jesus. (I've told you before that those are my favorite kinds of verses- the ones where Jesus himself is talking). He is telling the Samaratin woman at the well that the time has come that all people- even Samaratins- are able to worship God and receive salvation. But reading it in The Message helped me with my problem:

"It's who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That's the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship. God is sheer being itself—Spirit. Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration."
-John 4:23-24

My worship must engage my spirit in the pursuit of truth. My spirit is in pain. It doesn't say my spirit has to be pain free or happy before I can pursue God. I stand there, in my pain, and I search for Him- the Truth. I pursue Him. I run to His side. And when I find Him, there is comfort there.

Lord, teach me to listen to my heart;
Teach me to welcome change, instead of fearing it.
Lord,I give You these stirrings inside me,
I give You my discontent,
I give You my restlessness,
I give You my doubt,
I give You my despair.
I give You all the longings I hold inside.
Help me to listen to these signs of change, of growth;
to listen seriously and follow where they lead
through the breathtaking empty space of an open door.
-Celtic Daily Prayer

Now, that may not have been the kind of motion that the google searcher was looking for, but for me, that movement through that open door, into that breathtaking empty space of the path He has prepared for me, into that Truth- that movement is exciting, uplifting, encouraging.

But I still don't have a name for those praise dancers!!

Baby Gap

Some of my close friends (and those of you who have read my profile) know that one of my all time favorite movies is "You've Got Mail". It's not because it's a cute, feel-good chick flick or because the plot is gripping. It's because I am Kathleen Kelly. I've never been brave. All I do is this little thing. I fell in love with my very best friend over walks and talks and letters and Starbucks. I even love daisies- I always have.

This morning I experienced yet another Kathleen moment. It's the scene when she e-mails her "oldest and dearest of friends" and tells him that she is a shop owner and that today, her shop is closing and that "next week it will probably be something depressing like a Baby Gap". I felt that this morning... something dear and precious and very personal to me is gone and it has been replaced with something quite Baby Gap-esque.

Perhaps there's some sort of safety in being homogenous- it seems to be what we strive for. When is the last time you traveled somewhere and were able to find a restaraunt at which to dine or store at which to shop that was unique, personal, intimate? It's so hard to find. I can travel to Pennsylvania and eat at an Applebee's and know before I get there what's on the menu. If I shop for a dress at Old Navy in West Virginia and they don't have my size, I can be quite certain they'll have it here in South Carolina when I get home. And if I can't afford a choice pair of shoes at Ann Taylor Loft, I can always stop by Wal-Mart and get their knock-off version for a tiny fraction of the price. We live in a world of homogeniety- where we strive to look like everyone else, sound like everyone else, be like everyone else. I can dress my baby in South Carolina in exactly the same outfit you do in California because we all shop at Baby Gap.

How unlike our Father, who made thousands of different kinds of ants, tens of thousands of different kinds of blossoms. Who thought of giraffes and platypusses and hummingbirds. A Creator who seems to revel in the brilliance of diversity and self expression.

My husband is a worship leader. Did I ever tell you that? He has been "gifted" in a way that few are to lay bare the souls of those who worship with him before an Almighty God. I treasure worshipping under his leadership. And now that has changed.
Some person will probably think it's a tribute to this religion, about how we study what people like and if we appeal to their musical style preferences or emotions we'll draw more people into the fold. I know because it's the sort of thing I'm always saying.

People are always telling me that change is a good thing. But all they're really saying is that something you didn't want to happen at all has happened...the truth is, I'm heartbroken.

-Kathleen Kelly in You've Got Mail

A Lesson in Intentionality

Numbers 15:30-36

"But the person, native or foreigner, who sins defiantly, deliberately blaspheming God, must be cut off from his people: He has despised God's word, he has violated God's command; that person must be kicked out of the community, ostracized, left alone in his wrongdoing."

Once, during those wilderness years of the People of Israel, a man was caught gathering wood on the Sabbath. The ones who caught him hauled him before Moses and Aaron and the entire congregation. They put him in custody until it became clear what to do with him. Then God spoke to Moses: "Give the man the death penalty. Yes, kill him, the whole community hurling stones at him outside the camp."

So the whole community took him outside the camp and threw stones at him, an execution commanded by God and given through Moses.

The Message

The people who sinned accidently could be forgiven by offering an "absolution offering". Absolution meaning a freeing from blame or guilt; release from consequences, obligations, or penalties (Dictionary.com) The guy in this story obviously wasn't qualified for this type of offering. His sin was deliberate. And his story immediatly follows the instructions from God to the Israelites about how to handle deliberate sin. So he's an example. An example of how NOT to be intentional.

What is it that he did? He gathered wood on the Sabbath. He set about meeting his needs for a fire (to cook with, to stay warm) by working to gather wood on a day that he was supposed to be keeping holy- a day that he was supposed be resting and contemplating God. Instead, he contemplated his own state of affairs and realized he'd come up short and that needed fixing. He needed to fill his needs; needed to break the rules to take care of himself. Surely God isn't so mean as to say that we should go hungry and cold just because he wants us to sit still and know him. Surely he's not that self-centered. But the judgement he passed on this wood-gathering gentleman wasn't a statement about his need or lack of plannning but the crime of his heart: The intentionality.

This gentleman lived in a close knit community. He needed wood and possibly would be very hungry and very cold if he didn't have wood for a fire. He was poor, in need, and his community failed him. I'll bet you that the guy in the tent next door had wood. And if he didn't have enough wood for this gentleman's entire family, he may have one extra piece. And then the guy in the tent next to his could have given one and so on and so on until this gentleman would have had wood enough. But chances are, he never let anyone know of his need. And wouldn't he have looked silly having not planned to have enough wood to make it through the Sabbath? His sin was pride. He wasn't going to ask because then he'd look silly. He'd have to take a chance on the charity (a.k.a. LOVE) of his community.

But that's the way God wants it to be. We know each other's needs, we reach out in love. There is no pride, no heart sin, no defiance. There is community. There is forgiveness. There is love... and most of all... life.

Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Matthew 5:3 (NIV)

A Breeze or a Miracle: Which Would You Choose?

This morning, I was studying my Sunday School lesson about believing God. I've read Beth Moore's book, Believing God, so I knew exactly what she was talking about this morning since much of what she was saying was from that book. I was a little disappointed because I was hoping for fodder for a blog. Not that it wasn't inspiring, but I'd read it before and even blogged it before.

Now, I like to run- especially outside. One of the things I enjoy most about running outside is that God often speaks to me while I run. Since it's been a long time since I've been inspired to blog, I asked God if He wouldn't mind speaking to me this morning. So I hit the trails with my ears and heart wide open.

My mind seemed to wander for the longest time and I was thoroughly enjoying myself. But somewhere around 2 or 2 1/2 miles, I started praying for a breeze. I thought, "Come on, Father. I'm asking and I believe you can do this. It's just a breeze I want. A father gives good things to his children. You certainly control the wind. I know you can do this!" I believed with all my might He could, and even wanted to do this for me. Yet no breeze came.

As I struggled up a long hill, I heard Him say, "That's just the problem; you always ask for answers to your struggles in ways that the world can supply. What if you didn't finish this run with the comfort of a breeze, but in super natural strength? What if you accomplished this goal in My strength- not yours? Do you believe Me when I say that that's what I want to give you? Not just a breeze, but a super natural strength?"

That's the question... Do you believe? A breeze is such an easy answer. What He offers is so much more.

Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back.
Philippians 3:14 The Message

Praise In Motion....Princesses????

On WorshipLeader.com, Andrew Jones discusses how worship "back in Bible days" used to be a worship of movement. He says, (and I agree), that worship has become "static"- people just sitting or standing still. People didn't praise God sitting still originally. God made us to praise Him. You can see this in the Psalms when the psalmist speaks of the majesty of God's creation praising Him. Waterfalls, birds, ocean waves, trees. And human beings.

I lead a small group of girls at our church in worship dancing. I'm not a dancer, but I can praise (I qualify, you know?- I'm a child of God!). Well, last night, at our first meeting for the new school year, we were trying to figure out a better name than what we've been bestowed (Creative Movement.... BORING!) While putting together acronyms, I muttered something about "Praise In Motion.... P.I.M". Before I could finish my thought, (which was, "hmmmmm....what could we do with that?"), one of my precious dancers came up with "Princesses!! we could be P.I.M.P. Dancers!!!"

Obviously we need a little help here. Ideas anyone?

Got Joy?

Did you know that sapphires come in almost every color of the rainbow except red? And that the only reason they don't come in red is because when they are red, they are called rubies? And that the most valuable ones are a pinky-orange called padparadscha? Sapphires should be very clear. The depth of their color is not as important as their clarity. When the sapphire is clear, it can reflect the light better- there are no "inclusions" to muck up the glow. Then, with a fine sapphire, when it's cut just right, the light shines through it and bounces around and sparkles - like joy.

I say "like joy" because I've watched my middle son play with sparkly "treasures" since he was old enough to notice them. They enthrall him; he can't leave them alone. One Christmas I even bought him a prism with a solar powered motor that hangs in a window. When the sun hits it, it turns, bouncing its refracted lightbeams all over the kitchen. I don't know who enjoys it more, me or him, but joy is certainly a good word to describe it. Things like prisms and sapphires bring me great joy!

Joy is something that Christ promises us if we follow him. John 15 and 16 speak repeatedly of a joy that we will receive. A joy that no one will take from us. Jesus wishes us to be filled with joy. But is joy a word you can use - be honest now- to describe your life? I know that for years, it wasn't the first word I'd use... let me see... in fact, joy was somewhere pretty far down on the list. And joy that no one could rob from me? As Princess Mia would say, "SHUT UP!"

Well, I'm reading a book called Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell. In it, he's discussing the living, active nature of God's word. He says,

The Rabbis spoke of the text being like a gem with seventy faces, and each time you turn the gem, the light refracts differently, giving you a reflection you haven't seen before. And so we turn the text again and again because we keep seeing things we missed the time before.

I like the way he describes it.
I imagine turning the Word around in my hand, holding it up to the Light and seeing it all over again.
I imagine that no one can predict exactly how the Light will pierce it this time and exactly what the result will be.
I imagine reaching out to touch it but being touched by it instead;
changed;
filled with joy;
permanent joy.

I like knowing that God's word isn't some stale piece of paper that cannot move in and out of time with His people. I like knowing that when I read about David, I can see myself- whether it's in standing in faith against a giant or holding my head and crying out to a God I don't understand. How did God know that I would need stories of failure and redemption like Adam and Eve, and Abraham, and Moses, and David? Like Peter, and Paul? How did He know that thousands and thousands of years later, these stories would still inspire, guide, and instruct? Maybe a better question is why did He bother? Bother to make sure we had the stories?
Maybe He did it because He loves us.
Maybe because He's alive, and cares.
Maybe because all He wants for us is joy. That His joy would be complete in us and ours in Him. (John 15:10-12)

So don't believe for a minute that drudging through your day is all there is. Don't believe it's a freak of nature that sapphires make your heart sing. Don't believe for a minute that the Word is stale, or boring, or a history book, or that Sunday morning sermons and big new buildings are all there is to Christianity. Go out on a limb with me and read the Word with open eyes and let the Light refract it in a whole new way.

And be filled with joy.

Oh, and ask me about my sapphires sometime!

Shipwrecks, School Supplies, and Cobwebs

I'm alone in my house for the first time in months. Everyone in the family has returned to school and I am left here to ponder some of the meanest, thickest cobwebs I've ever seen! It's very quiet but there's an undercurrent of concern and even anxiety. My eldest started high school today. He admitted he's a bit nervous. It's a really big (REALLY BIG) school and there are REALLY BIG kids that go there. My middle one worked his tail off this summer in summer school so he could earn a spot in a coveted art course and came to find out yesterday that the class meets at the same time as band so, although he earned his spot, he can't take it. Summer school took a lot of energy and he didn't finish his summer reading and summer math assignments until this morning! Add to that, he's at a new school as well! The youngest is at the top of the heap in elementary school this year but has a brand new teacher. She's worried about things like people liking her and student government and how one accomplishes the task of being well liked without being "a Mean Girl". Rod is dealing with all kinds of new things at work and a rush to get ready. It's all a lot to be anxious about and if I worry, I can see how it might all go down like a ship in a storm!

A shipwreck in a storm was the topic of my reading this morning in the peace and quiet of my kitchen. Acts 27 describes Paul's terrible shipwreck as he traveled to Rome for an audience with Caesar. While shipwrecked on Malta, Paul survived a poisonous snake bite so he could heal the sick (which I'm sure drew the natives to God during the three months he stayed with them). While in Rome, he spent two years welcoming everyone who came to visit, explaining everything about Jesus Christ and urgently presenting all matters of the kingdom of God (Acts 28). True to form, Paul was totally about God's business which was precisely why God saw to it that he was spared when the ship went down.

As we were discussing all the school issues the other day, I reminded the kids that if their only desire in school was to be popular or well liked, they would be miserable. School is their Malta- their Rome. Paul wasn't necessarily popular or well liked, but he did have friends, was safe, and content. And friends, safety, and contentment are huge when you're facing poisonous snakes, mighty rulers, and confused, hurting people.

Now to face those cobwebs...

Firm Footing on Mountain Paths

Yes, I know it's been a long time. July has come and gone and not without a little sweat and tears. But I'm not complaining. I've been dealing with some extremely difficult issues at work. And today, as I read my passage in Streams in the Desert, I was comforted and encouraged by what seemed to be written just for me.

The scripture reference was Isaiah 49:11, "I will turn all my mountains into roads." These are the words of God. If you read the entire chapter, God is telling us that he is compassionate and that he will use all the difficulties we face- all the mountains- as roads- as paths to a place he has created for us. A place that is by the choicest streams. A place where we are free and safe and comforted and loved. Who wouldn't want to go there? And God's purpose in all of this? To form us and use us to reconnect the people with him (Isaiah 49:9) So in this passage where God is talking about making paths out of mountains, he's talking to believers.

He's not saying he's going to make everything peachy. He's saying he's going to mold us and make us into someone he can use. The wise thing to do would be to work with him on the project. To stop fighting the mountain and to trust his compassion and walk the path he has placed before us. And we don't even have to walk the path blindly, wondering what on earth he might have up his sleeve. In 2 Peter, he's quite clear on what it is he's desiring to create in each of us:

-Basic faith
-Good character
-Spiritual understanding
-Alert discipline
-Passionate patience
-Reverent wonder
-Warm friendliness
-Generous love

This is the child he can use to "reconnect the people" to himself. I need not ask God to remove these difficulties in my life. What I need to do is to see how they help create these qualities in me- to encourage my growth- so that as I walk that mountain path it will be a paved road- my feet on firm footing- and I might draw others to Him and our joy will be complete.

The BE-attitude

I've always liked the thought of hanging on every word of Jesus. As a little one in Sunday School class, I would imagine myself dressed like the people on the flannel-graph board, sitting at Jesus' feet, eating the bread (skipping the icky fish) that was passed around the crowd and being forever changed by hearing the actual words come out of his phyiscal, actual, human mouth. My heart would skip a bit in my daydream when his eyes would actually fall on mine and I would know that he saw me. That's why the beatitudes in Matthew 5 have always been one of my favorite passages. Yet, I hate to admit it, I was never exactly certain what Jesus was saying.

The Beatitudes always seemed a bit abstract to me. "Pure in heart", "hunger and thirst after righteousness", "poor in spirit", what did these mean? As I've aged (and hopefully become more wise) I've developed some ideas about what these abstract terms mean. But nothing has helped more than reading about them in The Message. So I wondered if everyone had read them there. I think you should so I put a link here.

They are a list of ways of being. To be. That is the task. Be- a verb meaning, To exist in actuality; have life or reality. (Dictionary.com) The first person singular being "am". As in God's name. We are made in God's image. Creatures that are, just as God is. We are called to be like Him. We are called to BE. To live in each moment. To exist in actuality- not some fantasy world. And actuality can be messy and painful. Yet Christ promises blessings if we approach that actuality with the right way of being- the right attitude.

So when we come to that painful end of our rope, Christ says we will find blessing if our "be-attitude" is right. We will find less of us and more of the God who loves us. When we feel abandoned, we will find there is nothing left to embrace but the God who loves us most. When we find contentment in who we are and what we've been given, we are blessed by knowing there is nothing that can make us happier than the God who provides. When we're starving for God, we will find that He fills us with satisfaction as no one else can. When we stop worrying about ourselves and find ourselves caring for his creation, we find we are cared for by the very Creator Himself. When we see ourselves rightly, knowing our sin intimately and are truly repentant, we find God everywhere we look.

So I still like the beatitudes. I like them more than ever. Test them for yourself. See if they are as true for you as they are for me. Taste them, meditate on them, incorporate them. Maybe you'll get a whole new "be-attitude"!

I have more insight than all my teachers,
for I meditate on your statutes.
I have more understanding than the elders,
for I obey your precepts.
I have kept my feet from every evil path
so that I might obey your word.
I have not departed from your laws,
for you yourself have taught me.
How sweet are your words to my taste,
sweeter than honey to my mouth!
I gain understanding from your precepts;
therefore I hate every wrong path.
Your word is a lamp to my feet
and a light for my path.
-Psalm 119:99-105 NIV

Learning from the Heat

When we moved to the South about 18 years ago, I was overwhelmed by the stifling, summer heat. It seemed to take more effort just to breathe! I've grown accustomed to the heat now and it doesn't seem to bother me much anymore. But I was reminded of that first summer here today while sitting in my car, waiting for one of the kids.

It was high noon and I was beginning to get a little uncomfortable while I waited with my window rolled down. I found myself sitting extremely still, clicked over into a slow motion way of being- a total body quietness. I guess this is a learned behavior in response to the rising temperature. It somehow helps me stay cool. I began to realize that this is a behavior you seem to see a lot in warmer climates. Think of siestas in Mexico and "Island Time" in the Caribbean. Everything in the South just seems to move at a slower pace and it seems that the closer you get to the equator, the slower things move! (No wonder sloths are tropical animals!)"How interesting," I thought, "that it takes that physical pressure from the heat to make us all slow down, quiet ourselves."

Several months ago I blogged in response to a pod-cast I heard about "quieting" your soul. It's a skill that we all need to learn. As Oswald would say, it's not something God will do for us- we must do it for ourselves. The heat of summer bearing down on me caused me to sit still. Being sensitive to my environment helped me to respond in a way that helped me conserve energy. I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes it takes a physical property like heat or turmoil or discomfort or pain to cause us to respond with quietness. As I embrace the discomfort I can find the power to be still.

Be still and know that I am God Psalm 46:10

Me? A Windbag?!?!

The first time I ever heard Jeremiah 29:11, I thought it was the greatest verse I'd ever heard. And after that, I began to hear it everywhere, for everything. You can find it on plaques and bracelets, cards and t-shirts:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Feeling it was perhaps just a little too good to be true, I became suspicious and decided to read it in context. And like Inigo in The Princess Bride, I began to say, "I don't think those words mean what you think they mean". These weren't words spoken from God to me; they were words given to the exiled children of Israel to give them hope that God was really working, really aware of their situation while they were in captivity in Babylon. Since I'm not Jewish and certainly not in captivity in Babylon, these were simply nice words, a handy feel-good-cliche. They weren't a real promise of God for me. They were used in so many contexts and with such flipancy that they just seemed empty. It became one of those verses that I simply blew off when I heard it.

I've been exploring Jeremiah again recently and I find it isn't exactly a fun read. It's just a little repetitive: all the woes to Israel for disobeying God. But one verse, right near the beginning caught my attention:

They've spread lies about God. They've said, "There's nothing to him. Nothing bad will happen to us, neither famine nor war will come our way." The prophets are all windbags. They speak nothing but nonsence. Jer. 5:12-13 The Message

It made me think- when is the last time you heard anyone say that God is someone to be feared? That he's someone who will deal with sin and disobedience? Sure, church goers may hear it from the pulpit but for everyone else- all the non-believers- when do you hear someone telling them that God is a God who must be feared? They don't go to church. They don't hear the preacher from the pulpit. They work with us, live next door to us, cut our hair, and administrate our companies. And we are the ones they "hear" from.

We are their preachers and what we preach is tolerance.
We preach, "your thing is ok with me as long as you don't tell me I can't do my thing."
"Let me go to church on Sundays in peace. I won't judge you, you don't judge me."
"Let's all live side by side in blissful disobedience!"
We preach lies about God- that there's nothing to Him. Because if He is who we say we believe He is, then there is something to him and our disobedience and ignorance of Him must be and will be dealt with. And ignoring Him won't make Him go away. The Israelites tried it- read Jeremiah to see where it landed them!

Almost the entire book of Jeremiah deals with how Israel will be punished for ignoring her God. And the harshest discipline is saved for the "windbag prophets" who have allowed her to go astray. Funny, but I believe that we, as a nation, are not so very different than the Israelites. And unfortunately, I believe I may know and may even be one of those "windbag prophets"!

As a nation, we have turned from serving God to serving economics. Our lives revolve around our jobs, careers, spending, and making money. Our families suffer, our health suffers, and in turn, we have less time to spend in pursuit of God. In effect, we, like Israel, have chosen to serve a foreign god and God in turn has placed us in exile where we must continue to serve the foreigners who worship that foreign god. (Jeremiah 5:18-19)

God told the Israelites to not give up hope though. They were to continue living. They were to marry, have children, work and be productive. And they were to pray for the Babylonians (see Jeremiah 29). He had a plan for them. A plan for them to prosper. He wasn't going to ignore them in their captivity. He was going to come and rescue them. They were to remember this, find hope in this knowledge. He was a God to be dealt with and He was a God with a plan.

So maybe I can take some hope from the overused cliche of Jeremiah 29:11. But first I have to realize that my "preaching" speaks loudly to my neighbors. God is a God who must be dealt with. There's a lot more to him than feel-good cliches. When I turn my back on the foreign gods in my life and seek Him with all my heart, He promises to be found. When I get serious about finding Him and want it more than anything else, He'll make sure I'm not disappointed (Jeremiah 29:12-14). And He'll do the same for the our neighbors and captors- if we'll only let them know the Truth.

Faith That Makes a Difference

So how important, exactly, is faith?

I've heard all the stories and cliches. Faith is when you trust someone or something enough that you can take action without worrying- you know- the "having faith in a chair" story. John says that faith is the conquoring power that brings the world to its knees. The person who wins out over the the world's ways is simply the one who believes Jesus is the Son of God (1 John 5:4-5)

I know Jesus. I don't have any doubt about that. I feel him move in my life. I hear his voice. He is more to me than my conscience speaking or a warm fuzzy feeling. What I'm learning, however, is what this might mean for my life and the way I live it. According to John, it's not my faith that Jesus is trustworthy, or that he was raised from the dead that makes a difference. It's my faith that he is the Son of the Living God.

Having faith that Jesus is the Son of God means understanding that this is the same, One and Only, who caused, with the power of his words, creation to come into existance. This is the same Son of God who, with that same power, caused himself to come back to life after being killed. This, according to Paul, is the great power that is at work in me if I have Jesus in my life (Romans 8:9-11)

All too often I limit the Power of Jesus in me to the power of suggestion. "Do that thing over the other thing" or "Speak to that person in such and such a way". When is the last time I allowed that power to be the power that spoke the world in existence or raised someone from the dead? And what would it look like if I did allow the power to perform in my life that way?

According to John, I would have the power to bring the world to its knees (I John 5:4-5). And according to Paul, I would have the power to live a life that is free from the defeat of this world and the death that comes with it (Romans 8:1-17). And according to Jesus, I would be able to move mountains (Matthew 17:20)

Before any of this is possible though, I must first know intimately this Son of God who lives in me. I cannot know his abilities without knowing him well. I will pray Paul's prayer for myself as well as for you:

That the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe

(Ephesians 1:17-19)

Fodder for Songs

I told you the other day that I had read all the way through my Oswald. It has given me so much fodder for blogging. What on earth would I do without my Oswald to inspire my blogs? Well, never fear! The same best friend that honored me with my Oswald, blessed me with another devotional classic on June 4th: Streams in the Desert. And lo and behold, more fodder! But this one was just said so perfectly that I don't think I have much to add. So here it is for you:

The strength of a ship is only fully demonstrated when it faces a hurricane, and the power of the gospel can only be fully exhibited when a Christian is subjected to some firey trial. We must understand that for God to give "songs in the night," He must first make it night.
-Nathaniel William Taylor

So for all who may be experiencing some "night" and for all that have and will experience it, may God, your Creator, bless you with songs. (Job 35:10)

Of Hearing and Belonging

If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own

These are the words of Jesus. And it's embarrassing but true that so often, I read the words of Jesus and never hear them. I must not be alone. It must be why he so often said, "He who has ears, let him hear." But when I read these words today, they struck a new chord. It was Jesus proving a point to me... I do not belong to the world. And he wants that to be obvious to me.

So who, exactly, belongs to the world? And how does the world love it's own? According to Jesus, those who do not believe in him belong to the world and those who belong to the world are "slaves to sin" (See John 8:23-24 and John 8:34). So that's how the world cares for its own- it sells them into slavery, robs them of their freedom. The world hates Jesus because he makes it clear to all that what it is doing is evil (John 7:7).

When I love someone that is my own, I take good care of them. I love my children. Tonight, I fed them good food. I gently dealt with worn out exhaustion, embarrassing problems and even a bad dream with them. I played frisbee in the park and watched them chase birds and dance. I listened to them. I told them, "I love you" and hugged each one. I love my husband. Today I kept in contact with him while he's away. I spent time with him. I gave him a gift and I shared my heart with him. I've thought of him, dwelt on him, daydreamed about him. These people that belong to me swell my heart with love. They occupied my time and efforts. They are mine and they are a precious priorty to me. And as far as I know, I did nothing remotely like selling them into slavery.

On the other hand, I know how the world "loves" us. It tells us we are unlovable; it tells us that we must be slim, beautiful, rich, influential to be worthy of love. It tells us that it's ok to do anything and everything that might bring us these qualities. We can starve ourselves or abuse drugs or our bodies to make them slim. We can color our hair, have plastic surgery or despise ourselves. We can steal, lie, cheat, or suffer to gain our position in life or wealth or power. These are the characteristics of an abusive relationship. The world is an abusive "lover". And it's a relationship we must sever completely.

Jesus cares for us in a completely different way. He provides light so that we might see clearly and not stumble (John 8:12) He provides us with bread that is life abundant and living water that causes us to never thirst again (John 6:31-35). He lays down his life for us so that we can live in eternal knowledge of God the Father. He takes us from that life in prison to sin and sets us free. He is the truth and the truth will set us free (John 14:6 and John 8:32).

The Jews that Jesus was talking to that day couldn't understand at all what he was saying. They argued with him about their legitimacy as children of Abraham and their status as slaves. He told them that they didn't understand him because they belonged to Satan, the prince of this world. Those who hear him and understand what he says belong to God (John 8:47)

So thanks, Jesus, for being patient. Thanks for repeating things over and over like, "Let him who has ears, hear". Thanks for continuing to reveal to me the obviousness of how I do not belong to this world. It is obvious that the world does not care for me. It is You, Lord, that cares for me. You and those who you placed in my life to love me. I'm glad I hear you- it's more proof that I belong to you.

"If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. John 15:18-19 (New International Version)

What a Friend

Exactly one year ago tomorrow, my sweet husband and best friend in the whole world gave me my Oswald Journal. I was going through a very difficult time in my life and it was wearing thin on all of us. I needed to renew my relationship with God and I needed something that would shed a new light on ancient words that had ceased to live for me. I had been taught procedures for having a relationship with Christ; things like, "Let Go and Let God" and "What Would Jesus Do?" I was instructed in behaviors that would hopefully lead me to a closer walk with my Creator and The Lover of my soul. But for a lifetime I had tried these behaviors, hoping all the while that no one would notice that I was only acting.

Don't get me wrong. I believed whole heartedly in God. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that He is holy and creator of everything. I knew I was a "sinner" and that that meant I was unacceptable to him. I knew that he made a way for me to be acceptable to him by sending Jesus, God Incarnate, to die on the cross for my sins. I knew all this. But somehow it didn't have an incredibly huge effect on my life. He was still distant and incomprehensible. He was still the God of Angel Armies- something I had no context for. And His love was something that escaped me all together.

Today's installment (my final one) in Oswald is about friendship; the kind of friendship we dream of; the kind we hope we'll have with someone someday; the kind that many of us have given up on ever experiencing. It's a kind of friendship that is so intimate that the friends think each other's thoughts, feel each other's emotions. It's not a friendship that brings grocery store flowers to cheer you up on a day that everyone knows is difficult for you; it's the kind of friendship that brings you daisies, or daffodils, or irises, or wisteria on daisy or daffodil or iris or wisteria kinds of days. It's the kind of friendship that even knows when it's a dandilion day. It's when one friend knows the other so intimately that great feats of blessing hold no candle to the tiny, secret joys.

It's this tiny, secret joy friendship that we can have with God. We spend our lives pursuing the great big blessings, the prayers of Jabez- and yes, God is capable of providing those. But when that's all we look for, we miss out on the beautiful gifts he has for us in intimacy; the special gifts he can give when he knows us well. And likewise, we miss out on giving back to him the secret desires of his heart; the things we could only know by being intimate with him.

Now this is eternal life: that they may know You... John 17:3

A Wedding

Today my husband will be officiating his very first-ever wedding. I am so happy for him! So many people say that my husband reminds them of Jesus. (A friend once even told me she wondered if being married to him was like being married to Jesus!) It's because of his good heart and his quiet, loving, wisdom. He glows when he worships and total strangers can (and have) spilled their entire life stories of woes to him on first meeting! But this whole wedding thing is something special.

One of my favorite pictures of Jesus is his first recorded miracle at the wedding in Cana (John 2:1-11). I have always pictured Jesus as quite happy, jovial, even playful at the wedding. What a delight to have him bless a wedding by supplying "divine" wine! My husband won't be doing any miracles today at the wedding and certainly won't be conjuring up any heavenly wine but I do believe he will bless this union in a very special way.

Just one more way he's like Jesus.

And to the bride and groom: May your love be as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. May it burn like a blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Let it be so strong that many waters will not be able to quentch it, many rivers unable to wash it away.

Blessings on you all!

Ain't None of it Small Stuff

Something that Oswald said the other day makes me wonder if I have some kind of "God complex". He was discussing the importance of trusting entirely in God, completely, to the point that even if common sense tells you it's crazy, that you should still follow God, not common sense. His entreaty to us was that "when God brings you to the venture, see that you take it."

I want to always "trust God in the venture" but I find that so often, I don't see God bringing me to any venture. I go in through a day and out. There is laundry and bills, jobs and transporting kids. There is house to clean and boo boos to tend to. But venture? According to Dictionary.com a venture is

1. An undertaking that is dangerous, daring, or of uncertain outcome.
2. A business enterprise involving some risk in expectation of gain.
3. Something, such as money or cargo, at hazard in a risky enterprise.

At first glance, I assume that I missed the boat to "venture". I'm still here on the shore of "everyday".

Several years ago I remember seeing a book called, Don't Sweat the Small Stuff... And It's All Small Stuff. I remember thinking that that was a fairly good philosophy to de-stress your life, albeit, overly simplistic. But now I've come to realize that it's not overly simplistic; it's downright wrong! I'm not saying we need to sweat everything, worry about it, lose sleep over stuff. That's wrong too. What's wrong is to assume it's all small stuff. My "God complex" allows me to think that it's the "small stuff" I can handle...without God. But now I'm starting to see that in reality, there is no small stuff. No small stuff...all venture.

God placed me in a life that is a dangerous undertaking of uncertain outcome. There is risk involved. There is the risk that if I attempt to make it through mending boo boos, paying bills, doing laundry and loving people separated from God, that I will mess it up. When I rely on my own common sense and my own strength to accomplish life, I will eventually become stressed out, depressed, and hopeless that I can do anything worthwhile.

In Psalm 73, the psalmist declares that when he tried to live life focused on material issues, separated from God and his strength, his heart was grieved and spirit embittered. I've felt that way when I've put on my God complex and attempted to get through the venture of life in my own strength and common sense. Like the psalmist, I was like a brute beast before God; ignorant, struggling stupidly against forces I had no understanding of. Like a silly monkey who can't figure out how to get the nut out of the jar when his hand is in a fist. But the psalmist goes on to remind me that God doesn't leave me to my stupid common sense. He stays right beside me, holding my right hand (my dominate one...the one that gets me into the most trouble) and provides me with his strength and counsel. My heart and flesh will fail but God is my strength and portion forever.

As for me, it's good to be near to God; to stay near him in the venture of life. The venture becomes less risky when it's his counsel that guides me instead of my own common sense. And when I realize that it's all venture and no "small stuff", it's a whole lot easier to drop the "God complex" and latch on to the Real Thing.

Enough Chicken (almost!)

Well, I have been silent here for way too long but I hope you're not disappointed with today's post!

Most of the time I prefer to be identified as a Southerner, despite the fact that I was born in New England and raised by West Virginians in Pennsylvania! I have lived almost my entire adult life in the South and find that I identify with the warmth and friendliness of Southerners. But I have recently had to come to grips with something that Yankees understand better than Southerners.... Covered Dish Dinners!

I have warm (and satisfying)childhood memories of covered dish dinners. The long cafeteria style tables would be set up with paper table cloths and the casserole dishes were crammed practically on top of each other. No one ever had to tell anyone what to bring. You weren't assigned "a meat dish" if your name started with L-P or a "veggie dish" if you were blond. You were never told how many dishes to prepare or that your meat had to be of a certain variety. Home preparations were similar to Christmas or Easter (but not quite as extravagant as Thanksgiving). This wasn't a time for quickie foods or boring foods. It was time to show off your cooking skills, your great grandmother's secret recipe and your finesse at pulling it all off and still having it hot when you arrived. The men stood in line with plates as big as serving trays and the women teased them that they'd have to walk home (which in my small town was no big deal!) My Mom always told my Dad that he was embarrassing her by how much he ate but we all really knew she was flattered that he took her meatloaf first and "saved room" for her cake. There was always enough food to go back for seconds and the highest compliment was to go home with empty dishes or a request for your recipe.

Last night we attended our eldest son's track "banquet" in which we were instructed to bring "chicken for four and tea" because he's an 8th grader. Knowing that that's not really how it's done, I made chicken salad for 12 and brought a loaf of good bread to go with our gallon and a half of tea. I was surprised (but I don't know why since this has happened to me here in the South before) to see box after box of Bojangle's chicken sitting on the table. There were a few dishes of veggies but by the time we got through the line it wasn't clear what they were by the juice left in the bowls. I saw a biscuit on one guy's plate and a piece of cake on another kid's plate but that's the only evidence we had that anything other than store bought fried chicken and tea were served.

So Southerners may have the corner on the hospitality market when in their own homes but there's a thing or two they could learn from Yankees about feeding a crowd. At least I went home with an empty bowl!

Convictions Can Kill

I am currently reading Believing God by Beth Moore. My husband recently found some interesting reviews of the book on a blog called Slice of Laodicea. Now, I am not new to this site. Late in the evening hours, as we sit around our table, the thoughts and convictions expressed on this site provide ample fuel for discussion. But usually I allow my husband to filter what he has read there and to express his concerns. When they started discussing Beth, however, I decided to read what they had to say for myself. And I cried.

I didn't cry for Beth. Beth is a big girl with a heart as big as Texas itself. Her life is zeroed in on God and her love for Him spills over onto all with which she comes in contact. I didn't cry for her. I cried for the people who were writing on the site.

As they expressed their convictions about prayer, scripture reading and versions of God's word, I was impressed with the cloud of death that hung over them. There was no life abundant that Jesus promises in John 10:10. They were "waiting for God in the next life". They were "annoyed" by their brothers and sisters in Christ. They were wallowing in death....abundant death.

Oswald pointed out, just yesterday, that had Abraham clung to his convictions (as adamantly as these people cling to theirs) he would have killed Isaac. The only thing that saved Isaac from a brutal death was Abraham's ability to be completely and totally zeroed in on God. Focused totally on God and God's nature, Abraham was able to hear the angel tell him to "Stop!"

In Matthew 15, Jesus has a discussion with the Pharisees regarding the keeping of tradition. It was tradition (and a fairly wise one) to wash your hands before you eat. The Pharisees expressed concern that the disciples didn't always do this. And when they asked Jesus about it, He asked them why they could pick and choose which traditions they would adhere to. "Why hold only to the hand washing one? Why do you ignore the one to honor your father and mother?" Who are we to pick and choose what traditions or rules we will honor and which we will ignore?

As I read the responses on the SOL site, my heart broke at the venom that was vomited all over my sister in Christ. Jesus explains in Matthew 15:10-20 that our lives are defiled not by the things we take in (Beth's study on Believing God, reading the NIV or, heaven forbid, the Message!) but by what we spew out. What comes out of our mouth comes from our heart and if it is vomit, putrid and foul, then the source (the heart) is putrid and foul as well. And according to Psalm 18:25-26, if our hearts are corrupt- putrid- foul- bad, we cannot figure God out- He makes no sense to us. And we cling to empty traditions and exist in a life void of Life.

Pause a moment with me and pray for those trapped in convictions that kill. Allow blessing from a heart that is pure lift prayers of praise to a God that cares that they are blind leading the blind into a ditch. Pray that their eyes be opened, and if you have a chance, offer a hand to pull someone from the ditch and point them to a God who is bigger than tradition and more merciful than we could ever imagine.

Yoked to Jesus

Matthew 11:29 (KJV)

Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

According to Wikipedia, a yoke is

a shaped wooden crosspiece bound to the necks of a pair of oxen, occasionally horses. It is held on the animal's neck by a usually U-shaped oxbow that also transmits force from the animal's shoulders. A swivel beneath the centre of the yoke, between the animals, attaches the pole of the vehicle (when the animals steer the vehicle) or chains that are used to drag the load.

Source: Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia © 2001-2006

When Jesus said these words, he wasn't talking about some sort of yoke that you would wear alone like a leash or a tether. He meant that two would wear it. And guess who that other one would be? How else will we learn of him? (That's why I like the King James Version of this verse. It says we will learn of him or "about him". NIV says we will learn "from" him). As I attempt to bear the load and find out exactly how difficult it is, he is there beside me, pulling the weight. It is only by working side by side with him, towards the same goal, that I will learn of his strength, his dependability, his power, his ability to perform the task...and my inability to do it on my own.

It's good to yoke up with Jesus. There is peace and rest for my soul when I work in union with him and understand that he never meant for me to go it alone. What he meant was for me to go it yoked to him.

Never Fish Alone (and other tenets on motherhood)

Several events lately have caused me to ponder the heaviness of the task of motherhood, one of which is an impending Mother's Day! So it seems, that almost anything I come in contact with might have something to do with being a mother. And April 13th's installment of Oswald was no exception.

Oswald is talking about how when we are placed under a heavy burden or task by God, it is His desire that we "roll it back" onto Him. Now, kudos to the perfect mother, the woman who can mother without God's help, the woman to whom mothering is easy or natural. If you are that woman, just skip this blog...it is not for you! But for those of us who are sometimes overwhelmed at the gravity of the role there's something important God wants us to know.

God knows that the responsibility of caring for and educating our children, for raising them whole and undamaged by our own "stuff", is a daunting and difficult (if not impossible) task. Sometimes I wonder if there is a woman on earth who hasn't mortally screwed up her children! If I truly believe that I can do this on my own, I become totally overwhelmed and quite depressed. It's much more than I can handle- more responsibility than I feel equipped to bear. Like Hagar, the mother of Ishmael, I want to sit by and sob at the hopelessness of it all. (See Genesis 21:8-21)

That's why it is so imperative that I "roll it back" onto God. He gave them to me. He chose me for them and them for me. Therefore it is essential that I trust Him to help me raise them. So I must understand what it means to "fall back on God."

In Psalm 55, the psalmist is overwhelmed by fear. All he can see is enemies, storms and strife. (Perhaps, if he had been writing it from a mom's perspective, all he could see were bullies who pick on her kids, perfect tennis moms who have perfect children in perfectly clean SUVs, and piles upon piles of dirty laundry). He has the overwhelming sense that there is no way on earth he can make it through this time...so much so that he calls out for the perfect tennis moms to catch rotavirus from their perfect children from throwing up all over the perfectly clean SUV. (Wait a minute...that's not what is says! Anyway...close enough.) But he realizes that God is a God of answered prayer. God is a faithful and strong God. God is a God that asks to be involved in our difficulties. God is a God who creates wells in the middle of the desert. God's companionship through this task makes it do-able. And until we realize that- that this is the only way we're going to make it through- the task will continue to be overwhelmingly daunting.

Therefore, falling back on God means casting our burdens on Him. When one casts in fishing, one doesn't let go of the pole. One simply tosses the "meat" of the matter into the water...and waits...and watches. We stay tuned in. And God takes the burden and He does what He will with it. We stay attached to Him- in tune with him- in step- holding on, communing and praying, conversing and praising, trusting Him for the strength to go on. And He carries us on the current of His Holy Spirit, His strength. And suddenly, with His companionship, we come to realize that the yoke is easy...and the burden is light.

So for this Mother's Day (and all the days that aren't) my prayer for myself (and even a few perfect tennis moms that I know) is for us all to fall back on God. May we each understand the importance of not going it alone. May we each find our wells in the desert and a hedge of protection... especially from rotavirus!

Packed and Ready

Yesterday, I was asked to be prepared with an answer for something. Since this was a subject with which I was extremely intimate, I thought it would be fairly easy. But then I was told that my explanation needed to be in just a few sentences. I had to verbally repeat my answer several times before I felt like it was close to what I wanted. It was very difficult; my story kept changing. Sometimes the explanation got too long and I felt frustrated that I couldn't get it all organized and concise. Sometimes I wasn't quite sure whether certain points were imperative to the explanation or merely interesting tidbits. Eventually, after several tries (and a lot of "uhm-ming" and back-tracking), I said something with which I was fairly satisfied. So later last night, I wrote it down.

What I wrote was the concise explanation. It said everything I needed it to say. Then underneath, I entered bullet points under headings. Here's where I put all those "interesting tidbits" that I kept wanting to put in the concise answer. The whole picture was like a that of a suitcase. The brevity of the answer made it easy to carry, like a suitcase- ready to take with me. But inside, if I chose to open it, were nice neat compartments, filled with a clutter of little details that I could access if need be. All of this made it much easier to express this information to someone else, should the need arise.

After reading Oswald this morning, I realized that this is a responsible task for us as followers of Jesus as well. When someone asks me about my relationship with him, the source of my joy or perseverance, I need to be ready with an answer. Then is not the time to be fumbling around in the interesting tidbits, searching out the imperative points. I need to be aware of God's moving in my life, where the interesting tidbits become life-changing impacts. I need to have my suitcase packed and ready to go, just like Peter said:

But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.
I Peter 3:15, NIV

So I think I have some more packing to do today.

Think Before You Worship

I was reading a news leaflet from a friend of ours today in which he made a comment that grabbed me. The comment was

Most persons in the U.S. are silently and unconsciously worshipping the idol of self-autonomy, consumption and technological progress. This quiet religion may be the singlemost difficult challenge for the Gospel--mainly because nearly all of us who are attempting to bear the news of the Gospel are also either unaware of our allegiances oursleves, or simply overwhelmed and underpowered.

"Wow!" I thought. How I've known this and even said it before (however not quite so elegantly!) I began to wonder what this worship of self-autonomy, consumption, and technological progress looks like. First, I needed to make sure I understood what was meant by "worship".

Harold Best, author of Unceasing Worship, defines worship as, "the continuous outpouring of all that I am, all that I do and all that I can ever become in light of a chosen or choosing god." (2003, p.18)

Princeton University defines it as:

worship
n 1: the activity of worshipping 2: a feeling of profound love and admiration [syn: adoration] v 1: to love unquestioningly and uncritically or to excess; venerate as an idol; "Many teenagers idolized the Beatles" [syn: idolize, idolise, hero-worship, revere] 2: show devotion to (a deity); "Many Hindus worship Shiva" 3: attend religious services; "They worship in the traditional manner"

Source: WordNet ® 2.0, © 2003 Princeton University

I found the verb definition the easiest to relate to: To love unquestioningly and uncritically or to excess.

I believe that we should question and be critical of something before we decide to love it to excess- before we pour out all that we are, all that we will ever become into it. But the only way we could truly worship self autonomy, consumption and technological progress would be if we did so "unquestioningly" and "uncritically". For surely, if we really thought about these things, we would see, beyond a shadow of a doubt, how easily they let us down. How truly unworthy they are of our worship. We worship without thinking. And that is dangerous and unwise.

Ponder what you worship- what you pour yourself into. My devotion often is first to myself. I will even consume -shop, eat, sleep, workout, ________ (you fill in the blank) to make my self feel better. And I know how reliable self is and exactly how worthy of my devotion. So why do I do it? I do it because I don't think. I don't ponder how many times self, or things, or progress have let me down. How about the time I swore I wouldn't do "whatever" again...yet did it anyway. Or the time I bought or ate or slept to make myself feel better...and it didn't. Or the time I depended on a medical cure, a technological advance, to come through for me... and it didn't.

Whom have I in heaven but You?
And earth has nothing I desire besides You.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
Psalm 73:25-26

There is only One that will never let me down. Only One that will satisfy to the core, time after time after time. There is only One that when we really think about it, when we question, when we evaluate, that comes up worthy of worship. One and One alone. So pour yourself out today- pour like the woman with the alabaster jar of perfume. Pour yourself out on Jesus, who poured himself out for you. Love Him extravagantly. Love Him in a way that might even make people talk, or to stop and stare, or to reprimand you. Love him with abandon. It's what you were made for.

From Real to Permanent

Jesus answered them, "Do you finally believe? In fact, you're about to make a run for it--saving your own skins and abandoning me. But I'm not abandoned. The Father is with me. I've told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I've conquered the world." John 16:31-33 The Message

Jesus prepared his disciples for his departure by telling them that they were going to face dark times which he had, in fact, conquered. "I'm leaving; but don't worry, even though things look dark, I've gone on before you and defeated them." In his providence, he could have prevented their difficult times but he chose not too. Instead, he wanted their faith to grow from "real" to "permanent".

"So, you finally believe?" he asked. Good!- their faith was real. "But you are about to abandon me- scatter all over. Some belief!" Yes, at that moment, their belief- their faith- was real. But what Jesus desired was that it be permanent. That when hard times come, they wouldn't scatter but would stand strong, trusting him.

Recently I have been faced with the dark emptiness of my own life. I see the empty life that has turned it's back on God's blessings and trusted only in what it could see and feel.(And believe me, in the darkness, I couldn't see or feel very much!) These are the dark times Jesus was warning of: the times when we all look at our lives and see empty self-sufficiency or skeleton-like religion. We haven't felt God's love, we've refused to believe he is in control or worthy of praise in this dark situation. We have convinced ourselves that he has abandoned us...yet it is us who have abandoned him. Somehow when we face that darkness, we assume he is not in it. That we have been abandoned to face it alone. How very untrue this is. Jesus says we will have dark times. He's not going to prevent them. But he has gone ahead, into those dark times, and overcome them. All he asks of us is to exercise our faith and walk into those dark times with a song on our lips and a prayer in our heart, trusting him to provide. Praising him that what he desires is for our faith to grow from real to permanent.