Changes and Chances

Today I stumbled upon a blog of a friend's. She journals almost every day of her life with her now one year old little girl. It made me realize that it's been a really, really long time since I blogged. I miss it. I miss the time I used to have to sit and ponder life and process it all for reflection. Something happens in your 40's and life picks up speed. Doesn't seem possible that things could be faster in your 40's than in your 30's but it's true. Right now there seems to be a flurry of wings scattering dust and feathers and somehow, I believe that when the wings stop beating and the clouds settle there will just be Rod and me left in the nest.
Yesterday, our eldest son turned 19. He's a freshman and already 1/2 moved out of the house. For the first time in 19 years, I wasn't responsible for furnishing his birthday cake... a friend of his took that honor.
Monday, our middle son turns 17. He's spending more and more time with friends and less and less time at home. Tonight he made dinner with friends- "Amazing Pasta". I had left over spaghetti. Not amazing.
Today, Molly auditioned for residential high school in Greenville. Residential equals no longer living at home.
While Molly auditioned, I worked on a chapter of a book for Bible study. The author was discussing emotions and cautioning us to not let ourselves be ruled by our unruly emotions. But somehow, that's not what I took home from the chapter. She wrote about women who blame their unpredictable behavior on hormonal surges like those surrounding peri-menopause and such. And in that section, she quoted Francis de Sales:

Do not look forward to the changes and chances of this life in fear: rather look to them with full hope that, as they arise, God, whose you are, will deliver you out of them. He has kept you hither-to,-do you but hold fast to his dear hand, and he will lead you safely through all things: and, when you cannot stand, he will bear you in his arms... The same everlasting Father who cares for you today will take care of you tomorrow, and every day. Either he will shield you from suffering, or he will give you unfailing strength to bear it. Be at peace then, and put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginations.

You know, I don't think I've ever looked forward to the changes and chances of this life in fear. Maybe most women do. It seems that so many books, magazine articles and even sermons seem to assume that we women are terrified of the "changes and chances of this life". They warn us of how terrible it will be when our babies leave for kindergarten and how awful it will be when they shun us as tweenagers. How they'll outright hate us when they're true teens and how devastated and lost we'll be then the nest is "EMPTY". Even St. Francis of de Sales warns us that we may need "delivered out" of our "changes and chances". But what if you don't? What if "changes and chances" are actually synonymous? Why on earth would you want to be delivered from chances? Maybe society (and God forbid- even modern day Christianity) tells us we should be fearful of all that but to me, it just doesn't make sense. Yes, I've devoted 20 years so far to growing up kids. And maybe all that's getting ready to change. But honestly, I'm looking forward to the chances the next 20 years brings.
Hopefully it's more time to do things like Rod and I did today... and maybe even more time to blog!

Messy Rooms, Mean Rules, and Fiddler Crabs

At my house,we have a fairly unpopular rule. The rule states, "No vacation or long break from school may start until your room is clean." When we instituted this rule, there was a great gnashing of teeth and wailing but even my messiest child (I will not divulge which this might be, for fear of retaliation) cleaned her room in record time. Right down to the Barbie (TM) shoes under her bed! It's a severe rule, I know. But sometimes drastic measures are required for drastic situations.

This last time, however, there really was very little discussion amongst the troops about it. I believe I mentioned it once or twice and, lo and behold, rooms were clean. Vacuumed and everything. How refreshing to see them not buck and fight "the system"- to accept what structure I had set up for them. And how pleasant to not be thought of as a horrible monster by the children I love. And this morning's installment of Oswald caused me to stop and ponder my own behavior regarding such situations.

If you believe in Jesus, you are not to spend all your time in the smooth waters just inside the harbour bar, full of delight, but always moored; you have to get out through the harbour bar into the great deeps of God and begin to know for yourself, begin to have spiritual discernment.

He referenced Romans 12: 1-2 (and I always take a little extra time on a verse when it starts with the words, "So here's what I want you to do..."). Take my everyday life, embrace it, place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God has done for me is the best thing I can do for Him (paraphrase).

It seems lately that I've been waiting for God to do some sort of miracle around me so I can embrace it. Fix what's going on at my church, at my job, with my health. Then, maybe, I could embrace it, work at being a better member, a better employee, a better wife, mother, friend. (Maybe HE could clean my room!) But that's not what this verse says. It says these are the conditions he's set up for me. Here are the ways I should live my everyday, laundry-toting-spaghetti-cooking- shift-working-imperfect-friend-and-family-life. And if I embrace it whole heartedly, I will no longer see God as someone who doesn't understand me or my needs, but as someone with huge, deep insights into my soul, who knows better than I what would make me happy.

Will bought two fiddler crabs yesterday. We read a little bit and discovered that they prefer "brackish" water over fresh, clean water. They live in the tidal pools, and swampy places near the shore."Nasty," was the first word that floated through my head. The girl at the pet store confirmed my thoughts when she said that the fiddler crabs were the dirtiest critters she had to care for. They could make the water in their tank black within the week. I wouldn't want to live in their environment. And it's not where God wants me to live either. Why stay close to the shore where the tide can't come clean my life? Why stayed moored to shallowness and staleness? Why continue thinking of God as someone who doesn't honestly know what's best for me?


So, yes, I may have to pull up anchor and do a bit of work and I may definitely need a serious attitude change. But somehow, it's easier trusting that this is really what's best for me. And if I roll up my sleeves and actively embrace what He has provided me, I'll get to sail out to deeper waters where I can enjoy Him even more.

Now, if I could only get them to keep their rooms this way...

Wisps of Fog

This is such a beautiful time of year- my very favorite. The world is so new and beautiful. How is it then that our society has made certain that we miss this time of year if at all possible? Any mom knows that April and May are the worst months of the year to try to plan anything. Ask to see any family calendar this time of year and the blocks all bleed together with writing creeping out of the squares and up the side of the margin. The kids all had dentist appointments last Thursday. I knew about them- they were even written on the calendar and I heard the message the receptionist left on my answering machine. But did we go? Of course not! There was so much crammed into the day that when something else came up at the last minute, I completely forgot about the dentist. (Note to self: NEVER schedule dentist appointments in the spring!)
Don't get me wrong! I'm not complaining! So much of the busyness is a celebration of family and individual talents and efforts. Orchestra concerts (three to be exact), band concerts (2), track meets (too many to count), rehearsals and lessons and practices for all of the above, ballet auditions and rehearsals, weddings, meetings, field trips, showers, going away parties, the list goes on and on.

My husband has taken a new approach to this chaos this year. He has deliberately slowed down. As I ran across the parking lot to rush home the other day, I had to wait while he took pictures of the moon through Spanish moss. And wait while he takes pictures of flowers. And wait while he takes pictures of children playing. And wait while he takes pictures of...

Maybe he's trying to hold on to all this that's slipping through our fingers like sand. Maybe he's trying to preserve it for me because he knows I'm missing it. I know I need to follow his lead. What does all this rushing around get me, anyway?

For I don't know the first thing about tomorrow. I'm nothing but a wisp of fog, catching a brief bit of sun before disappearing. (James 4:13-15 The Message) If this is all I have, I want to make the best choice.

Training for the Long Run

About 2 years ago, my eldest son started taking an interest in running and went out for the middle school track team. One day, I talked him into going for a run with me. It was a little over 3 mile run; not bad for a beginner, but up the long hill at the end, he really started to lag behind. I ran the hill and then jogged back for him, encouraging him along the way.

Last Saturday, he and I went for another run. This time, we were doing my five mile route. He outpaced me from the very start and although I can run this course without much difficulty, somewhere near the middle, I just let him go. He'd turn around every now and then to see if he was supposed to go straight or take an upcoming turn and I'd signal him on- each time from further away. Eventually, I lost sight of him- he knew the way home.

Earlier that day, we were discussing the book of Daniel over danishes and sodas at a local coffee shop, while we waited for little sister to finish up her dance class. I wanted to impress him with my newly gained knowledge of the fulfillment of kingdom prophesies in the second chapter. I was blown away by the fact that Cyrus was mentioned by name 150 years before he came into being as the one who would set the Israelites free from their Babylonian captivity. (See Isaiah 45). He was unimpressed... he already knew all of that and even pointed out some other prophesies mentioned in Jeremiah about the same deal. He had learned all about this in his small group that meets on Sunday nights. We went on to discuss the pertinence of the book of Daniel for all of society today, especially for teens as they seek who they really are and what they really believe. We drew parallels between the 15 year old Daniel and his friends and himself, who will turn 15 in just a few days. I was amazed at his understanding and a little disappointed that I had never learned these truths at his young age.

How rewarding as a parent to watch him run so far ahead- even to out of sight. And how encouraging when I saw him jogging back up the road to finish the run beside me.

Ecclesiastes 8:1 Lesson

So the evening was going just fine. My three beautiful and talented children were starting to wind down for the night when the youngest decided she wanted to sing for me. It was beautiful. I've always been a sucker for family music time so I egged her on and with very little coaxing, she sang for me again. Then we called her brother down and he picked up the fiddle solo in the song. The 3 minute before-bed-serenade became a 45 minute family concert and my heart was filled to overflowing with pride. Then somewhere the bottom fell out and there were tears and screams and doors slamming. Where did I go wrong?

In total desperation and angst, with tears streaming down my own cheeks, I grabbed my computer and typed "help raising children john rosemond" in the google search box. The computer churned for a moment and then, with a sigh of helplessness, went blank. The problem was apparently even too much for a computer! Now what!?! Am I to be left totally helpless in this situation? Is even my computer going to turn its back on me?

Rod came home from the gym and did his best to cheer me up (with faint screams still echoing in the distance) and something he said reminded me of something I'd been studying in Daniel- something about why we act the way we do; about how the world holds us in a self-serving, self-centered, "friendly captivity" that causes us to say, "I am the only one; there is no other but me."(Isaiah 47:10) There was my parenting tip. There was my wise counsel. Not in my computer. Not something written by some mere human parenting guru. It was wisdom of the wisest sort. The very words of God- the greatest parenting guru of all!

One of these days I'll learn. And if my kids are going to survive, sooner would be better!

There's nothing better than being wise, Knowing how to interpret the meaning of life.
Wisdom puts light in the eyes,
And gives gentleness to words and manners.

-Ecclesiastes 8:1 (The Message)