Escapee

You should see the beautiful view I have out my kitchen window. The sky is my favorite color of blue- it's a clear, crisp, sophisticated blue- cold but beautiful. And the leaves are red, orange, yellow, brown, and there's still some green out there. There aren't very many birds today...I don't know what they're doing. But I found our bird, Harvie, sitting in the dining room today. No idea how she got out of her cage. Maybe she wanted to go outside and fly in that beautiful view- she has to look at it all day from inside the house- from inside her cage. Maybe there's a bird gathering going on outside somewhere that she caught wind of and maybe she was trying to go- some kind of bird world cup or something. I put her back in her cage. She seemed ok with it.

I wish I was.

Have a Yourself a Generic Little Christmas

Tonight we had the pure parental pleasure of watching our daughter sing in a children's choir for the Governor's Carolighting. What a beautiful experience for her. She even had an ETV camera zoom in really close! The service was beautiful, the music exceptional. It was an inspiring way to launch into the Christmas season.... until the Governor started speaking.

We are fortunate in our state to have a "Christian" governor. He acknowledged at the start of his speech that Christmas truly belongs to the Christians. How sad when he had to continue on struggling to find pertinence for those who "do not hold to the Christian origins of the season". He decided that Christmas offers two positive opportunities for "non-Christians".

First of all, according to our governor, Christmas provides an opportunity for people to practice traditions and experience "togetherness". He related warm memories of his mother reading T'was the Night Before Christmas to him and his siblings. Next, he offered that non-christians could experience a new appreciation for others through gift giving and cited the example of a self-absorbed teen who ponders what his little brother might truly like for Christmas.

How sad that we offer to others a false "meaning" of Christmas during this sacred season in attempt to include them without imposing our "beliefs" on them. How sad that others can only know a portion of the joy we experience as Christians through the true meaning of Christmas. How wonderful that others could experience a full, guilt-free, abundant life in communion with the One true God of the universe, if only we would stop trying to not offend them. What if this Christmas we offered everyone on our gift list Jesus. It just might be the very best Christmas ever!

Contemplations on the Cross

(You'd better have your cup of coffee and some uninterrupted time...watch out! This one's a long one!)

I haven’t blogged in while and I can blame it mostly on Oswald. He’s been talking about the agony of the cross. And it’s hard for me to think about the agony of Calvary without wondering, “why?”. Why did it have to be the cross? Why couldn’t an all powerful God forgive our sins in a less gruesome way? Why did it have to cause Jesus so much pain and shame? Why was this the way it had to be done? Why did it have to be the sacrifice- the painful death- of an only Son? Why such heartbreak to redeem mankind from the slavery of sin?

I came across a verse in 1 Timothy 3:16 that frustrated me but rang so true:

Beyond all question the mystery of godliness is great.

God’s ways are a mystery- beyond my understanding. Yes, I knew that was true:
Isaiah 55:8-9:
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my way,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts

But for me these are almost a cop-out. To say I cannot understand the horror of the cross simply because God is not understandable? Is it my pride that keeps me from blindly accepting this? I want to know the mystery of godliness. I want to understand His ways. Why did God allow me to have this longing?

Ephesians 1:9-10
And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment- to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ.

There it was: a hint, a glimpse, that God wanted me to understand his ways. It is God’s will that Christ be the way- the One, that brings God and mankind together again. And we, according to this verse, can know this.

Isaiah 53:10-11
Yet it was the Lord’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer and though the Lord makes his life a guilt offering, he will see his offspring and prolong his days, and the will of the Lord will prosper in his hand. After the suffering of his soul he will see the light of life and be satisfied; by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many and he will bear their iniquities.

God is all powerful. He could save the world in any way He saw fit. And He saw fit that it be the sacrifice and torture of His only Son.

1 Timothy 2:5-6
For there is one God and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, who gave himself as a ransom for all men.

Jesus is fully God and fully man. Mankind can look upon him and claim him as a sacrifice from humanity to God. God looks upon him and sees the holiness of Himself, sacrificed for mankind. And God and man are brought together through the perfection of this sacrifice of Jesus. Both God and man find his sacrifice an acceptable atonement for sin.

For me the agony of the cross is sufficient to move me to repentance. I look on it and am ashamed that my sin is significant enough to cause this suffering. I am truly sorry for the anguish I have caused Him. I am moved to turn from my wickedness and become totally a slave to Christ. Thank God that He knew what I needed to move me towards Him. How sorry I am that Calvary is what it took.

Thanksgiving

...family, health, transportation, food, shelter, clothes, a job, electricity, sunshine, moonbeams, stars, rainbows, snowflakes, rain, flowers, butterflies, puppies, dolphins, oceans, clouds, rivers, trees, moss, swings, bluebirds, children, dancers, music, art, poetry, guitars, violins, pianos, fires, swimming pools, smiles, laughter, hugs, kisses, love, sleep, sweaters, jeans, shoes, blankets, chocolate, ice cream, pumpkin pie, peanut butter, meatloaf, biscuits, gyms, bikes, aerobics, cellphones, blogs, friends, orange, forgiveness, grace, mercy...

Thank You.

Stand Still and Breathe

In my ponderings on the subject of reconciliation, I read a prayer on the subject in a book called Body Prayer. First of all, let me explain that a body prayer is an active prayer in which the pray-ers are guided into actions that help them to understand more deeply about that which they are praying. For example, the instruction 'to rise from a seated position to a standing position using the strength of your arms' might help one to see that the act of reconciliation is something that requires an effort on our part- something that we do not sit idly by and "simply allow to occur".

The authors instructed me to move into a stance that, for me, demonstrated a humble submission to God. They had me breathe deeply, which to me represented the importance of the Holy Spirit in the whole process. As I participated in the prayer, one thing in particular struck me. It was a prayer of "standing still"; the authors had even subtitled it that.

Reconciliation requires one very large effort on my part: that of being obedient to the point of surrender. After that, it's an act of standing still, keeping my hand out of the pot, keeping my mouth shut and my focus on the breathing in and the breathing out of the Spirit of God. Resting in Him in this way is so freeing. I'm so glad that all I am asked to do is stand and breathe. He does all the hard work; He always has- the first sacrifice in the garden for Adam & Eve's clothes; the last sacrifice of His precious Son on Calvary.

It is God's hope and desire that all creation be reconciled- that is, brought into whole relationship and made compatible with God's intentions for the world...Peace is ahead of my steps; it will be waiting for me...

-Doug Pagitt and Kathryn Prill, Body Prayer

A Father's Legacy v.2

I've been reading a lot lately about the concept of "reconciliation". People being reconciled to God and people being reconciled to one another. The dictionary says that "reconciliation" means the "reestablishing of cordial relations". It's extremely important to God that we be reconciled to one another because we are to be like Him. Him living in us causes us to seek reconciliation with others because that's who He is- a God of relationship. He sacrificed His precious only Son so that we could "reestablish cordial relationship" with Him. He expects no less of us.

As I searched scripture regarding this concept of reconciliation, Matthew 5:23-26 kept popping up. I wanted to read it in context and realized that it was part of the Sermon on the Mount. This particular passage is nestled in the topic of murder. At first I was puzzled. Why on earth did He preface an instruction to be reconciled with one another with a discussion of murder? I liked the way that Eugene Peterson put it in The Message, "The simple moral fact is that words kill". Boy, don't I know that? Careless words or thoughtless actions destroy relationships and cause us to have to seek reconciliation. It's so easy to stop there. But Jesus didn't.

He went on to discuss adultery. Obviously adultery destroys relationships but Jesus points out that even lustful thoughts are divisive. And on to empty promises in which we say we will do one thing and then fail to do it. There are so many ways we break each other's hearts as well as God's; so many reasons for us to have to seek reconciliation. He's still teaching on reconciliation here: how do I know? Because the next section is called "love your enemies".

It's that "instead" part of grace that my friend in Ontario talks about. When others hurt you, do not respond in kind but, instead, love them; respond with the energies of prayer. For that is what God does.

In a word, what I'm saying is, Grow up. You're kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you

-Matthew 5:48 The Message

My God-created identity: that part of me that looks just like my Dad. Talk about a Father's legacy!

Carried

Hold me in your arms and gently rock me
Let me feel your heart beat on my face
Let me hear the words it softly whispers
And learn your voice while in your warm embrace

Hold me here and never let me wander
Break me as you need to keep me here
Let this precious moment spent here with you
Bring visions of the peace that lies so near

When the pain begins the road to healing
May wandering for me hold no appeal
Let my thank-you's spring from true thanksgiving
And faithfullness result from the ordeal

Who Knew?

Wow...you're in for it now! I've been plagued with trying to understand exactly what role "grace" has in destroying "the root of bitterness". It has bothered me all day long. So much so that I pulled a Mary and sat at my kitchen table all day looking up scripture references on grace. There are over 90 references to grace as a character trait of God listed in the study guide part of my Disciple's Study Bible. I knew I'd never get through them all today but I started at the beginning anyway ... Genesis .... (sigh).

I've always preferred the New Testament verses over the Old Testament. I used to think that the Old Testament just wasn't as easy to understand or apply to my circumstances. But I respect the fact that it's first and the beginning is supposedly a very good place to start.

As I read about God's character of grace and the commentaries on it, I realized that I was learning who God is. God seems to really enjoy giving us absolutely everything we need: enter a lamb for Abraham's sacrifice and manna from heaven. Apparently, this is grace. He also prefers to dish out mercy and forgiveness, to save us from destruction when, in fact, He's quite justified to blow us off the planet: enter Lot and his family when Sodom and Gomorrah are destroyed. He enjoys turning devastating events into wonderfully, good things for those who choose to follow Him: enter Joseph sold into slavery and thrown in prison only to save his family by rising to a position of power second only to Pharoh. He loves to reward faithfulness with blessing: enter Hannah, barren and depressed, who gives her blessing baby, Samuel, to the service of God. God in turn blesses her with more children. Enter midwives who refused to kill the Israelite boys being blessed with families of their own. Enter Solomon who asks for wisdom instead of riches. God surely smiled as He gave Solomon both because He was pleased with Solomon's choice.

God wants to bless us. He wants to supply our needs. He wants to turn our devastating events into huge victories. This, apparently, is grace. He even desires to cheat death for us. In His mercy and grace He found a way around it. And I wasn't reading in the New Testament, Isaiah, or Psalms. It was in 2 Samuel 14:14

Like water spilled on the ground which cannot be recovered, so we must die. But God does not take away life; instead, He devises ways so that a banished person may not remain estranged from Him

I believe they're talking about grace here.

A Trip to the Throne

This week in Bible study, we've been studying "the joy of moral freedom". While "filling in the blanks" I was caused to ponder the role of bitterness in my sin. The author said this:

The hurts of the past and our refusal to forgive those who have wronged us provide fertile ground for bitterness to flourish. Bitterness, left unchecked, makes us more apt to succumb to- or even pursue- sensuality (sin) and to subconsciously justify it in our mind, on the basis of how deeply we have been hurt. Bitterness is like poison; it defiles. Forgiveness is the only antidote. You cannot hold on to harbored hurts and pursue purity at the same time.

I never really thought I had much of a problem with bitterness. (You know, I say things like that a lot; don't I? This might be a problem!) Anyway... back to bitterness! I never thought I had much of a problem there but the more I delve into it, I find that bitterness has been at the root of most of the major, heartbreaking sins in my life. It's as if because I'm nurturing that pain, I seek out opportunities to sin to kill the pain. Why on earth does my brain work that way? (Here, insert true shock, frustration, and confusion!) Why would someone believe that sinning would kill pain?

In the related scripture (Hebrews 12:15-17), Paul describes how Esau, who was focused on his physical pain of severe hunger, hastily traded his birthright (with it's associated blessings) for a single meal. A single, short lived, comfort from the physical pain. A single sin rooted in self absorption with life long consequences. His blessing would never be restored. And how many single, self focused, bitterness encased sins have taken their toll on my life and blessings?

God assures me that obtaining His grace is the answer to avoiding the root of bitterness and falling prey to the temptation to sin (verse 15). This amazing thing called grace enables me to live a life that will please God. I can no more live a "good Christian life" on my own than I could save myself from eternal death; both receiving and living that life are dependent on God's grace. It is God's grace that enables me to live a life without bitterness. He promises that where there is sin (i.e.: bitterness), His grace is there in even greater amounts to conquor it (Rom. 5:20-21). Jesus lived a life without bitterness yet he can relate to my desire to hold on to my pain for he was tempted in the same way all of us are tempted.

So then, I will approach the throne of grace with confidence, with Jesus there as my high priest, so that I may receive mercy and find grace to help me in my time of need (Hebrews 4:16).

Wanna come?

A Night in the Bow

wind, waves, roaring storm
chaos churning; and he speaks
peace, rest, know I AM

Ephesians 5:1

Lord, how would You have me be today?

Be an imitator of Me

Love beyond where it hurts
Be merciful and full of compassion
Fear not to expose evil
Seek reconciliation for broken relationships
Walk in truth and light
Rejoice in righteousness
And be holy, for I AM holy

That It May Go Well With You

One of the things that frustrates me most about my beautiful daughter is that when asked to do something, she always has a comment about why she doesn't or shouldn't have to do that. She may still perform the requested task but it's always with a comment. You know the type:
"I didn't put it there!"
"It's not mine!"
"It's just going to get messed up again anyway!"
"Who died and made YOU God?"
(Now, she's never actually said that last one to me but I know with the teen years coming it's only a matter of time!)
And my response is always the same. Frustrated, I fume, "Just do as I asked. I didn't ask if you wanted to do it, I just said 'do it!'" But usually if I say something like that we end up in a debate/discussion about why the task needs to be accomplished by her, now. And the most frequent way for it to end is by me saying, (screaming), "BECAUSE I TOLD YOU TO!"

Today's Oswald is about the very same thing. Obedience without excuse making, debating, complaining, or hesitation. Why that today? Why does he have to talk about immediate obedience when I have to do something that God's asked me to do today that I don't want to do? I've discussed it over and over with Him, explaining to Him that what He's asked isn't really necessary, He's blowing the whole thing out of proportion, you know?

I began to ponder if everyone in the Bible was as perfect at obedience as Abraham and Jesus. I just wanted to read about someone whom God loved that was just as disobedient as me. I wanted to see how it all went for him. It didn't take me long to think of Jonah. Praise God for Jonah!

I've never really identified personally with Jonah. I've always thought that if the great voice of God told me to do something I'd do it immediately, no matter how awful or absurd it sounded. Problem is, I've never really believed God would ever ask me to do something. Yet he does.

He doesn't ask me to go to Ninevah. (He asks me to be there for someone who's not very likeable, to reach out to them, love them, and be Jesus to them.) He doesn't ask me to sacrifice my child. (He asks me to not be so busy carting my children around that I don't have time for him.) He doesn't ask me to die for the sins of the world. (He asks me to die to self so that I will know what it is He's asking me to do.) And he doesn't allow for me to learn this in any other way than through obedience. It's through obedience that I learn that He's got my best interest in mind.

When I realize that, truely believe it, then the excuses can stop and I can go do what it is I need to do today knowing that because of who He is, it will all turn out for the best.

Under Construction

Today isn't conducive for blogging...Thursdays never are. But thanks for checking!

Being Real

It used to be I'd wait in the car during Molly's dance lesson, using the time to catch up on Bible study or Oswald. Since the time change it's been too dark so I've been sitting in the tiny lobby at the desk. Last week I got distracted by some older girls from an earlier class discussing why they weren't dancing with the junior company. I was impressed to hear them say that because they were Christians, they refused to dance for the company because they were required, as company members, to dance in the annual production of Dracula. I encouraged them and told them about Patty Graham and Lauren LoPresto who have a worship dance company open to the public.

This week, I was desperately needing some time alone with my studies when a grandmother (whom I see every week but don't interact with much) brought her dinner to the desk and began questioning me about what I was doing. (It's a very small desk... getting smaller).

How do you wrap up 9 weeks of incredible study on revival for a total stranger? How do you tell them that life is not life, but rather death, without an intimate relationship with God?

She told me that she was raised Catholic and that the whole concept of a personal relationship with Jesus was a fairly new concept- something that has only been "pushed" for, say, the past 15-20 years. She said that she learned many of the concepts I was mentioning (honesty, humility, repentance, holiness, grace, obedience, clear conscience, and forgiveness)in catechism. I told her I understood about catechism because I had gone through it as well (although not raised Catholic). I shared with her that all catechism taught me was that there was a holy God to be feared but nothing of His interest in me personally. Sure, He wanted to redeem mankind but He probably had no clue that I even existed. I shared with her that I really had no use for that kind of religion (or God, for that matter). She looked a little shocked that I would be so bold (or maybe disrespectful) to toss out religion like that but I meant it. She asked me where I went to church.

I don't know if she saw any Jesus in me or not. I hope so. She said, "Nice meeting you," when I left. All I know is that when I see her again I hope we'll talk more about this "new" concept of a personal God and relationship with Him. I've never really been able to talk freely about a truely intimate relationship with Him to other people, mainly because only recently has He become more than just an aquaintence. It wasn't until He rescued me from the pits of despair and held my hand as He walked through the really scary, yucky stuff of life that He became "real" to me. And now I'm "real" to Him as well....and you know what happens when you're "real", don't you?

I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. John 10:28

From Mourning to Morning

I just tried to read 5 days of Oswald. I hate it when I do that. I guess this means that I've gone 4 days without comtemplating much about God. I don't go 4 days without food, or sleep. Why do I think I can go 4 days without contemplating God? I must believe that contemplation on God is not vital to life. I don't suffer physical pain when I don't contemplate God. But I suffer. And I don't realize how much until I begin again to ponder who he is and what he's wanting from me. Then when I look back on the past 4 days, I realize how empty they were. And I mourn.

Today, Oswald was cautioning me to "never think it strange the circumstances (I am) in. (My) part...is...to utilize the common-sense circumstances God puts (me) in and the common-sense people He puts (me) amongst by His providence, to bring them before God's throne and give the Spirit in (me) a chance to intercede for them." And I mourned again. I wondered how many times in the past 5 days I missed being a conduit for the Holy Spirit because I did not utilize the circumstances I was in or lift the people I was around up for God to bless. How many people did not receive their blessing because I was busy being self-absorbed?

Come on, Allison! Get outside of yourself! It is not just I who suffer when I abandon God but all the people who God places in my path. This is bigger than me; it's bigger than you. This is more of that abundant life. This is what Church is about: relationships- not just vertical, but horizontal as well.

So my appologies to any of you out there that didn't get what God had planned for you when I was busy being selfish. I'm back and awfully thankful that God is gracious, merciful and forgiving. And tomorrow morning, I'll start fresh.

Top 10

I will never attempt to write a birthday blog for a family member because no one can write birthday blogs like my husband can. I won't even try to compete! But I can't let the day go by without wishing my Stinkweed a beautiful birthday! So I thought I'd list for you my top 10 favorite things about having her for a daughter:
10.) I love it when she dances. She is so graceful and flexible and talented.
9.) I love her stories. She tells the best stories.
8.) I love the way she never gives up on anything. If she sets her mind to accomplish something she always accomplishes it.
7.) I love the way she falls asleep when she's tired. I never have to tell her to go to bed.
6.) I love the way her eyes sparkle when she's being mischievious. And she's mischievious almost every day.
5.) I love the way she plays the piano...no one ever told her she doesn't know how to play the piano and guess what? If they did, they would be wrong!
4.) I love the way she laughs. It's a short giggle, kind of like her Aunt Jodi's and her eyes twinkle when she's happy.
3.) I love the way she hugs and kisses. There is something very special about Stinkweed hugs and kisses.
2.) I love the way she cleans up the kitchen. She can wipe a counter til it shines like a mirror. She can clean almost anything...she's also good at floors and windows!
1.) I love to hear her sing. She sings and sings and sings. She has always sung for as long as I can remember. And she even knows the words!

I love you, Stinkweed. Happy Birthday!

Left Behind

I just sent my family off for a very long, hard trip for my uncle-in-law's funeral. I talked to his daughter this morning who said that this is the 'easy' part, compared to watching him linger in the hospital. There is a great celebration of his life planned, lots of music & worship. I got left behind because I can't ask for another weekend off of work.

It's hard being left behind when family is gathering to hug and comfort one another. I can't think of a single thing to relate this to biblically, no new insights or lessons to be learned. I'm sure there is one- I'm just too bummed to think of it....You think of it and let me know.

Pride and the Price of Unbelief

Last night, while fulfilling my taxi driver role, I was lecturing my captive audience regarding how and why a child should trust his or her mom. Will had some problems with some 6th grade bullies in keyboarding class who had figured out just the right way to tic him off and make him cry. He will not try my suggestion to just ignore them. It's because he believes that if he fusses at them to stop their obnoxious behavior, they'll quit. I tried to tell him that the fussing only fuels their fire and makes things worse. We've had this discussion before. I used an illustration about a time when Jack trusted me to do something that, to him, sounded ludicrous but that resulted just the way I said it would, but only because he trusted me and tried what I suggested.

Story goes that when Jack was about 4 years old, he did something he wasn't supposed to and was going to get in trouble for it. I wasn't 100% certain that he'd done it and the offense was against his Dad. I suggested that if he owned up to the wrong and appologized that Dad would be lighter in his punishment. Jack looked at me in disbelief but he tried the truth and Rod responded with just the mercy I had predicted. Jack was amazed and has held to the principal of truth telling ever since.

Now, in a related event, Molly disclosed last night at 7:00 PM (on the way to an evening event) that she had to make a kaliedoscope for school tomorrow...."you know, with just stuff lying around the house. You don't have to go out and buy anything, Mom." (I KNOW YOU have stuff to make a kaleidoscope just lying around YOUR house!) Not only do we have to have a kaleidoscope but a project journal as well that discloses exactly what worked and what didn't work while attempting to create said kaliedoscope! (Insert very, very unhappy Mamma.) Well, needless to say, the kaliedoscope with project journal, (supposedly made with things just lying around my house) did NOT get made. I suggested to her this morning that she write in her proposed project journal that one thing that didn't work was telling mom the night before that the kaliedoscope was due! She didn't think that was such a good idea (to put it mildly).

And Jack said, "Molly, don't you remember the conversation we had in the car last night about trusting Mom?"

Hmmmmmm.......

Preventitive Health Maintenance and the Life More Abundant

My friend has malaria. She spent the summer in Kenya on a mission trip and while there apparently became lunch for a foul mosquito. After several days in the hospital and starting some antimalarial drugs, she's starting to feel a little less terrible. I went to see her tonight with soup and tea and a silly book. She looked a little pale but better than I expected. How odd it seems that in this day and age someone might get malaria. But people in Africa die of it by the thousands each day. How odd. How odd because we have the medical and pharmacological technology to prevent things like people dying of malaria.

People shouldn't die of things that we can cure or prevent, like pertussis, chicken pox, the flu, meningococcal meningitis, tetnus, and malaria. I'm a health professional; I know how to prevent these illnesses. And when I talk to my patients about their immunizations or preventitive health practices I speak with authority and can easily explain why they need what I have to offer.I'm always amazed when I meet people who don't want their children immunized. My children are all immunized against the illnesses that they are suseptible to. It's what we refer to in the health promotion field as "compliance". I wouldn't have it any other way.

I know how to promote a healthy spiritual life as well. I am more intimate with this than I am of the above mentioned illnesses, because of those, I, personally, have had only 3 (chicken pox, pertussis, and the flu) and recovered quickly from all 3. But I have had a dead spirit for much of my life.

"Abundant life" was not something I received immediately when I "asked Jesus into my heart" at the tender age of 4. That's because the abundant life comes with obedience. And when there is unconfessed sin in our lives (my stronghold was/is/has always been/continues to be "pride") we cannot have the abundant here and now life that Jesus promises.

So until I am intimate with confession, repentance, obedience, and the abundant life that they bring, I cannot speak with authority to others about how to receive it. My spiritual "preventitive health maintenance" recommendations (or "witness" as we S.B. like to call it) is no more appealing than a dirty, moldy, stinky, wet dishrag. I have nothing to offer. It's like me telling a patient they need immunized against the flu when I refuse to be immunized myself.

The immunization against a dead life? It's called confession of sin, repentance (where I actally make a real turn from the offense), and obedience. The result? abundant life. I comply with the recommendations and you'll want what I have. I won't even have to try to convince you.

Of Counting and Being One

Last night my sweet hubby put a "visitor counter" on the bottom of my blog. I thought it might be fun to see if there was EVER anyone I didn't know peeking at my ramblings. We started the count at "25" - his idea- because I've been up for about 3 weeks...maybe a visit per day or so (by him anyway!). I posted my musing for yesterday and lo and behold, the visitor counter started humming!

35...42...58...85!!! The numbers shocked me!

Now, there was a very good reason for all the hits I received last night. People all over the country are mourning the death of a fine pastor, in shock at how it could have happened. I mentioned it in my post and some media update thingy linked up with my blog. When people searched for the pastor's name on line, my post was one of the first things that popped up. They clicked on my link and were brought to my blog.

I don't know if they read anything or not. You can't really tell from the site meter. It appears that most of them didn't stay any length of time at all. And that's ok. But it brought to mind all my recent ramblings about obedience (And don't you know, it's just what "You-Know-Who" talks about today!)

When we are obedient to Christ out of a "oneness" with him...out of a desire to be as He is....out of a love relationship with him, great things happen for His purpose. When we are focused on our usability or functionality within the kingdom, we cease to be of use to Him. Jesus never gives us orders; nor does He give us "help" in obeying Him. He lets us know the standard...where the bar is set. And IF we love him, we will obey...we will follow. And as I obey, I begin to see bits and pieces of who He is, each act of obedience bringing the pixels more and more into focus and that image will run through me and spill out into the lives of others.

While I focus on Him, I have no idea how many lives He has touched through me; that's not what it's about. What it's about is loving Him so selflessly that I can obey with no second thought of myself. My prayer for today...that we be one

Ye Are Not Your Own

Three recent or impending losses have hit the lives of my friends & family in the past 3 days. My friends in Texas lost a dear pastor/friend of their's, Kyle Lake, pastor of the UBC in Waco. My friend, Leah, lost her Granny, and my uncle-in-law is (at last word) hanging on by a thread. What else would Oswald discuss today other than the "breaking of your heart"?

He reminds us that when we align ourselves with God and place ourselves under his bidding, we no longer belong to ourselves. We cease to have a "private life"- all we endure, we endure for the purpose of God.

Why shouldn't we go through heartbreaks? Through those doorways God is opening up ways of fellowship with His Son. Most of us fall and collapse at the first grip of pain; we sit down on the threshold of God's purpose and die away of self-pity, and all so-called Christian sympathy will aid us to our death bed. But God will not. He comes with the grip of the peirced hand of His Son, and says-"Enter into fellowship with Me; arise and shine." If through a broken heart God can bring His purposes to pass in the world, then thank Him for breaking your heart.

Tough words to hear when it's your heart breaking, I know. But looking back, I know it's the only way I could have ever made it through. Know, my dear ones, that this is my prayer for you all.