Bread and Fish for All

There's something about spring that causes life to get a little bit too hectic. I'm always amazed by my calendar each spring- there's so much written on it. Kids' big end-of-year school trips, concerts, track meets, recitals. And then for some reason, there's all these other things, like doctor's appointments and such that I've completely forgotten about! I don't even have time to go to the gym! I get so busy that I easily fall away from my time alone with God.

This morning, I sat down to read my Oswald and looked back in my journal mourning that for the first time since I've had it, there were pages and pages over the past 2 weeks that were empty. I decided I'd try to read some of the days I'd missed and went back to the first day, March 9th. How "Oswald" of him... it was about falling away and chosing to leave Jesus' side.

When Jesus' teachings got too hard, many of his disciples (according to the end of John, chapter 6) decided they would no longer follow Jesus. Jesus asked his handpicked twelve, "Are you leaving too?" There is such wisdom in Peter's answer. "Who would we go to? You alone have the words of life".

My problem is that I never take the time to hear Jesus ask if I'm leaving. I never consider who else I'd turn to. I know that when I turn to myself or family or friends or schedules to follow, I am purposeless and unhappy. There is no abundant life in that. I know He asks. I'm just not always listening. And I know that if I took the time to answer, my answer would be the same as Peter's. So the lesson today is to always ask yourself, to whom would you go, Allison? Who else has bread and fish for all?

Prior Experience Required

ex·pe·ri·ence Pronunciation Key (k-spîr-ns)
n 1. The apprehension of an object, thought, or emotion through the senses or mind: a child's first experience of snow.
2.a. Active participation in events or activities, leading to the accumulation of knowledge or skill: a lesson taught by experience; a carpenter with experience in roof repair.
b. The knowledge or skill so derived.
Dictionary.com

I have been contemplating the power of "experience" lately. How interesting that it would come up in such a powerful way this past Tuesday. On that evening I attended a creative movement and worship class held by the members of The Ballet Magnificat. During this event, the teacher stated that in order for us to be creative, we must deal with our experiences. As we moved around the room, we were called to express, through "creative" motion, emotions, questions, our names. But this was very difficult for the members of the class who were very young (our ages ranged from six or seven to... well... older!) At one point, the teacher pointed me out and said that he detected great facial expression from me, probably due to my "years" granting me more "experiences".

My musings on experience were triggered by ponderings on how we are to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God loves us. Love is abstract, not tangible, not provable. Yet, I believe that God wants us to KNOW that we are loved. I did not experience walking physically beside Jesus as John did to know that I am beloved. I did not experience watching him die on the cross so that I might know that this is the greatest love, that a friend lay down his life for his friends. But experience is how I come to KNOW something. According to Dictionary.com, it is how I apprehend, take hold, understand a concept. I "experience" it through my mind or senses. So I am left to ponder how I know his love through what I do experience.

God gave me five senses. This time of year, they are overwhelmed by his creation- He is the ultimate in "creativity". He gave me eyes to see the beauty around me. Ears to hear the birds, the laughter of children, the sweet words of friends. Taste to experience apples, chocolate and kisses. Smell to experience flowers, fresh cut grass and the fresh cleanness after the rain. Touch to feel the softness of my son's pet rabbit, the strength of my husband's muscles, the warmth and power of the sun. I believe He gave us these five senses so that we could experience Him through his expression of himself- his creation.

I cannot experience with my five senses, the glorious physical presence of God. No one can. God knows this. He has always made his presence known to people in ways they could experience with their senses. Moses saw the flames, perhaps felt the heat from the burning bush. He heard God's voice with his ears. Elijah experienced God through hearing and touch in the gentle whisper of a breeze. These are the ways God has provided for us to experience Him because His physical presence is more than we can bear in our sinful state. Isaiah knew this when he said,"Woe is me...for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty!" (Isaiah 6:5)

Do you ever think that creation went just a little overboard sometimes? I mean, look at the ridiculousness of some of it (giraffes, platypusses); the vastness (stars we can't see, planets too far away to be appreciated); the grandiosity (the Grand Canyon, Niagra Falls); the diversity (tropical fish, hundreds of different species of ants!) Was this all necessary? Wouldn't we all be just fine with just one species of ant? (preferrably not fire ants!) I beleive this is His way of telling us how important it is that we know Him and experience his love for us. It's how excited He is to express to us that He loves us. We can look at Him and tell Him it wasn't necessary, He "shouldn't have", but we know, deep down, that we appreciate it- that it makes us feel loved, desired, wanted.

So I have a few years on my counterparts in a dance class. Good for me. All the more to experience the love of my God!

Thought for the Day

Work from the heart for your real Master, for God, confident that you'll get paid in full when you come into your inheritance. Keep in mind always that the ultimate Master you're serving is Christ.
Colossians 3:23-24

Have a good day!

A Beautiful Evening

Last night we went to witness Ms. Mariclaire's swan song. Mariclaire is Molly's ballet teacher and the prima ballerina for the Columbia City Ballet. She danced the lead in Giselle, which, according to The State was her first ever solo recital piece. How appropriate to start and end on the same ballet. She was absolutely beautiful. The whole ballet was beautiful. My date was beautiful. My daughter was beautiful. The whole evening was beautiful. I guess I just wish everyone could have experienced all the beautifulness!

A Friend in God

Sometimes (ok, more often than sometimes) I believe, in the depths of my soul, to the very marrow of my being, that I am an unlovable person. This morning as I was pondering this and wondering why I feel this way, I wondered how I might, perhaps, change my way of thinking. This would probably be a good thing to change.

People, I can understand not loving me. They are people. People have to be taught how to love and still it seems hard for some. We give love conditionally and that makes it not safe. God, however, must be different. His very nature, according to John, is love: (1 John 4:8). I understood this growing up as a child. I knew God is love. But God loved cities and nations. He loved the Israelites. Jesus loved Jerusalem. He so loved the world. Somewhere in there, I missed the individual people part. Yes, I sang "Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so" but there was something in my little one heart that didn't really believe it. So I decided to look in the Bible and see where it tells me so.

Although 1 John seemed like a good place to start, I wanted to start closer to the beginning. Proverbs 17:17 tells me that a friend loves at all times. So a true friend is what I need. In Psalm 34:15, I am told that God keeps an eye on his friends, that his ears pick up at every moan and groan of his friends. In Psalm 37:28 I am assured that God never turns from His friends. So if I could have a friend who loved at all times, God would be a good one; I would be listened to, watched over and never left alone. This would be exactly where I would want to be. But does God still have human friends? I know, He used to.

Jehosphat called Abraham God's friend in 2 Chronicles 20:7 and I can believe this is true when reading God's covenant blessing on Abram:

I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you (Genesis 12:2-3)

Yes, these sound like the words of a true friend. God has another friend in the Old Testement. He says it with His own mouth so I definitely believe it is true. He says, "have you noticed my friend, Job?" (Job 2:3 the Message). Job recognizes that God is his friend in Job 29:4 when he says that God's friendship blessed his house. Ok. So people can be God's friend- you don't have to be a whole nation or a world to be loved by God.

But somehow I have problems putting myself in the same category as people as wonderful and well known as Job and Abraham! Lord, help my unbelief! So on to the new testament. Jesus had friends. We know he hand picked 12 very good friends. He loved his friends. It says so in John 11:5 "Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus". So you didn't have to be one of the disciples for him to love you. And it wasn't based on their behavior either. Jesus even loved people who had a hard time doing what He asked. In Mark 10:20-22, Jesus loved the man who couldn't sell all he had and follow him. So Jesus can love people, even when their behavior doesn't demonstrate that He is first in their lives! Job had a wise young friend named Elihu who reminded Job that God is not dependent on our behavior. Our behavior does not change who God is or his affections (Job 35:7-8). Could this mean that God could still love us, despite our unlovableness?

I want to be God's friend. I want to be certain of His love for me. Jesus said in John 15:13 that "greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends". I don't believe that Jesus laid down his life for only Peter, John, Andrew and the rest of the 12. Even if you add in Martha, Mary and Lazarus, I think he died for more. He says in John 15:15 "I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you." I have His word. I know His business. I am called His friend. "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love." (John 15:9).

To be Jesus' intimate friend. The thought stirs my soul and quickens my heart. Something inside of me knows this is true. God is my friend. And a friend loves at all times. And there is no greater love demonstrated than when a friend dies for His friend...and that's just what my friend did...He died for me...(and Peter, and Andrew, and John, Lazarus, Martha, Mary....and you).

1 John 4:10
This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins

Finding a Purpose for Squirrels

Last night's post was my lesson on how to put a picture on my blog. I took those pictures out my kitchen window, where I so often sit for my time alone with God. There really isn't any deep meaning or purpose behind them; the silly squirrel just caught my attention (and distracted me) so I took his picture. If I thought long and hard enough about it, I might be able to 'invent' some deep spiritual meaning but this morning it just feels like too much of an effort!

Last night, Rod & I were talking about serving God and being "missional God-followers". I told him that I believe that most Christians are NOT "missional God-followers". We get saved, many times at a young age, and decide that praying and living a good life are what it's all about. This is our sacrifice...how we've chosen to live. You live your way; I'll live mine. And hence, we begin to have no more intimate feelings for God than a sentimentality for the church (the building or institution or maybe- if we're lucky- even the people in our Sunday School class). Serving God goes, at most, as far as babysitting in the 2 year old Sunday School or leading a small group of believers in Bible study. There are missional Christians...but they are not us. They are the ones we highlight in our Missions Conference every spring. Surely God understands this; doesn't He? I mean, He's ok with it, right?

Well, as per norm, Oswald had something to say about this this morning. He says,

It's easier to serve God without vision, easier to work for God without a call, because then you are not bothered by what God requires; common sense is your guide, veneered over by Christian sentiment.

In other words, we "everyday, working Christians" come by this attitude quite naturally- it's the easy way.

But what would happen if we became sensitive to what God requires? Paul was sensitive to what God requires and he became a fanatic! He talked about sacrificing our bodies as "living sacrifices" and equated all he had ever had or done as nothing but "mere rags". But beyond Paul, the ultimate example is Jesus Himself. He was sensitive to what God required and he came, poured himself out for us, was tortured and accomplished the impossible. Now that's a calling! No wonder we take the easy road!

I refuse to be daunted by this. I believe enough in the power of my God to know that He will supply me with all I would need to serve Him the way He would require. A very wise friend of mine once said that we should all be in a position at all times where we have one person spiritually stronger than us, mentoring us, speaking into our lives, challenging us and another person with whom we are doing the same- we are mentoring them, challenging them, praying for and with them. How blessed I am that I have people "above" me speaking into my life. And although there may be people on the flip side, into whose lives I speak, it is not intentionally missional. It's done haphazardly, subconsciously, "accidently".

I don't believe that God wants us to serve Him "by accident". I believe He wants us to know exactly what His call on our lives is and for us to respond in kind. Unlike my squirrel pictures, I believe He wants us to be intentional, to serve with purpose. We don't inspire people to give their lives to Christ by being pretty pictures on the shelf. We weren't saved to be trophies. We were saved to serve.

To Blog of Squirrels

This evening I will blog about squirrels.
































And btw: Happy Birthday, Abby!

Taking a Leap

Luke 18:31-42

Jesus and his best friends are on the road to Jerusalem. There, every awful thing that has been prophesied about the death of the Messiah will come to pass. Jesus warns the disciples clearly- no metaphors, no parables, no vagueness. And they just don't get it. They have no idea what on earth he's talking about. In Luke 18:31-42, the story of the disciples' confusion stops. You assume that maybe they discussed it among themselves and pretty much just let it drop. "Oh well, you know Him- never makes any sense. Certainly this is not something we can understand."

But another story goes on: A blind man hears the commotion of Jesus passing by and asks, rather loudly, rather obnoxiously, what is going on. He cries out to Jesus to have mercy on him. The people around him are annoyed at the disturbance he is creating and ask him to be quiet. He persists in his calling out and it draws Jesus to him, where he gets to ask Jesus directly- face to face- to heal him and give him sight. He asks for the impossible. He takes a leap of faith and believes that Jesus can heal him. And he is given sight- immediately.

How often am I like the disciples, convinced that this is an area too great to be dealt with or understood? That it would be useless to involve God in the hopelessness of understanding this situation or seeing a way through? How often do I fail to ask? If only the disciples would have asked, like the blind man, for sight, Jesus surely would have pursued this troublesome topic with them. Perhaps then they would have been better prepared for the road that lay before them. But they didn't ask. And they weren't given sight.

How much more often I need to be like the blind man. To stand and make noise, create a disturbance before God until he quiets me with sight. How much more do I need to take wild leaps of faith to believe that Christ can- and will- accomplish the impossible in me...if only I ask and believe.

Bird Names

Have you ever seen a Rufus Sided Towhee? Isn't that a great name? Rufus Sided Towhee. I just like saying it! And it's a really cool looking bird- one of my favorites. There are other cool birds with names that describe them: Black Capped Chickadees, Ruby Crested Kinglets, Red Whiskered Bulbuls (I'm not joking!). But my favorite bird of all isn't named for what he looks like; he's named for where he lives: the Eastern Bluebird.

If I were a bird, they'd have to call me something horrible like the Brown Haired Forty Something. I think I'd rather be known by where I abide.

Is God in the Way?

I like reading my Bible and my Oswald. I like blogging and being alone with God. It's what I'm doing right this very minute. "Ouch!", then, when I read Oswald this morning! Sentences like, "Many of us are after our own ends, and Jesus Christ cannot help Himself to our lives. If we are abandoned to Jesus, we have no ends of our own to serve." And, "We are apt to be devoted, not to Jesus Christ, but to the things which emancipate us spiritually."

So here I am, in my pajamas,after my own ends (relaxing, taking a day off- You know, I have to take care of myself...be in charge of refreshing myself for the week to come!) But I'm of no earthly use to Jesus at all. I'm busy reading all about Him; I'm talking about Him; I'm thinking about Him. These things "emancipate me spiritually" But I'm doing nothing for or with Him!

Often, God will use a verse in Oswald to get me to read or hear something else He has for me. He did this when I turned to Romans 9:3 to read about Paul's desire to be "cut off for his brethren". As I read on, God drove home the point I had just taken to heart only moments before:

How can we sum this up? All those people who didn't seem interested in what God was doing actually embraced what God was doing as he straightened out their lives. And Israel, who seemed so interested in reading and talking about what God was doing, missed it. How could they miss it? Because instead of trusting God, they took over. They were absorbed in what they themselves were doing. They were so absorbed in their "God projects" that they didn't notice God right in front of them, like a huge rock in the middle of the road. And so they stumbled into him and went sprawling. Isaiah (again!) gives us the metaphor for pulling this together:

Careful! I've put a huge stone on the road to Mount Zion,
a stone you can't get around.
But the stone is me! If you're looking for me,
you'll find me on the way, not in the way.

Romans 9:30-33 The Message

Sorry...I've gotta run!

Red Rover, Red Rover

Remember the game Red Rover, Red Rover? I loved playing that game- the long lines, everyone on the playground included- working together, laughing together for the same cause. I loved it when they called me over. But I hated it if I failed to break the line and successfully take someone back with me to my team. Who got called over? Who got picked and brought back? If you called over the wimps and they broke through, they got to steal your strongest and fastest. If you called over a wimp and she failed to break through, she might become your weakest link. Too much thinking....just call over your friend.

I thought about that today reading Oswald. (I know, my mind is good at rabbit trails!) Oswald mentioned that Paul's realization of how Jesus had dealt with him was the secret of his determination to serve others. In other words, Paul, knowing that he had been the worst of the worst, found great passion and determination to love Jesus and serve others when he realized how hard it must have been for Jesus to die for him- considering all he had done to hurt Jesus.

Sometimes I don't think it would have been too hard for Jesus to die for me; I mean, come on, I never ordered the murder of any of his beloved followers. I actually love Him! I'm a good guy! But then I think of what He might have seen when He looked at all my 'goodness'. He might have looked at Paul and said, "Wow! I've got to stop this guy immediately! Look at the damage he's doing! I've got to die for him and get him on my side! And then look at the passion with which he'll serve me!" But looking in on my life, what did he see? "Hmmm...I need to die for her...wrapped up in herself, her time, her life. She might once in a while speak to someone else about me. She might love her family...I don't see a whole of fruit or passion there." Not exactly strong impetus for giving up your life for someone.

Of all the people on our team that it was hard for Jesus to die for, I very well may have been the hardest. It's hard to get all worked up over luke warmness. Understanding just how hard it might have been for Jesus to die for me makes me, like Paul, determined to serve. I don't think the other side would ever pick Paul to come over- somehow you just know he'd break through. He's more like the kind that gets stolen and brought back when someone else breaks through. I'm one of those little wimpy ones- the one Satan thinks isn't much to worry about. He could call me over and I wouldn't do much damage. But just give me a chance. Understanding just how hard it was for Jesus to die for me empowers me with a passion that just might surprise you. I want to be the one called over. And I definitely don't want to be the wimpy weakest link. I want to run the distance and break through. I want to take the hand of someone on the other side and lead him back to our team.

Pouring Perfume

I can't take any credit for today's post. I don't know if this was a personal revelation to the dear friend who shared this with me or if she heard it from someone else. Either way, it was a huge blessing to me and so I pass it on to you.

I was reminded of this bit of encouragement when Oswald referenced Mark 14:6 today. Mark 14 tells of a woman of Bethany who broke open a bottle of extremely expensive perfume and with it annointed Jesus' head. This perfume was valued highly and she was ridiculed openly for "wasting" this valuable resource.
"Why, this could have been sold and the money used to help the poor!"
"Look how many people could have been helped if only this resource would have been used wisely!"
"Why waste this valuable resource on one person? Why not use it for the benefit of all?"
The retribution could have gone on and on. But Jesus stops it:

"Leave her alone," He said. "She has just done something wonderfully significant and beautiful for me."

I wonder if she ever (even if briefly) questioned her own behavior after hearing the reactions of the others in the room? Did she feel guilty? Judged? Stupid? Wasteful? Did she worry whether or not she'd made the right choice? If so, she must have felt an enormous amount of relief when she heard Jesus' response. "She has done something of value for me." In her total abandon to Jesus, she performed a valuable service. It wasn't her goal to perform a valuable service; it was her goal to love Jesus with abandon.

I have things of high value in my life. I have an expensive (in more ways than one) education; I have my health, my time, my energy, my money. What or who do I pour these resources out on? How do I spend them? Do I spread them around for the general good? Do I hoard them for myself? Do I perform important works with them that make me feel special? Or do I pour them out in reckless abandon on the head of Jesus?

I could stop here and let you ponder how this might apply to you but I'm not going to. I'm going to share with you just a little about how it applies to my friend. A lot of women have expensive educations (my friend is one of them) and some of those women choose to pour this resource out, not for the good of many, or the poor, but on their families. Some wonder if they're making the right choice. Some of us know we're making the right choice but still have problems when we hear the ridicule or questioning of good intentioned friends. My friend says that we are like this woman of Bethany, who poured the expensive perfume on Jesus. The world will always be there, the poor, the sick, the hungry. We have but this one fleeting moment with our children- this one opportunity to influence them for Jesus. And I know that it is going to just fly by- like the time Jesus' friends had with Him. But as I pour my perfume out on my three children, and she pours her perfume out on her three children, together, we have drawn six children closer to the Father. And they'll tell six friends, and they'll tell six more friends, and six more, and six more....

Hope is Where Your Heart is

My husband calls it "praying in Jesus' name"; Beth Moore calls it praying God's "A" list; Oswald calls it being united or identified with Christ; Jesus calls it "Thy will be done". What it is, is knowing- believing- placing my life on the line- that God is active- busy doing things- has a purpose and an agenda for this moment- for this day- for this trial- for this life. And that no matter what I think needs to happen, no matter my concerns or desires- I can trust that God knows best. That if I identify myself totally with Him, align myself to His list, His name, His will- that He will give me the desires of my heart (Psalm 37:4).

My desires are transformed into His desires. And He will always accomplish what He desires. Therefore my hope is secure. I can have hope because I know that things are going to go His (and therefore, my) way! When my hope is in Him, I will have renewed strength; I will soar on wings like eagles; I will run and not grow weary; I will walk and not be faint (Isaiah 41:30-31). His path is easy- not wearisome. His yoke is easy and His burden is light.

I know this is nothing new- nothing you haven't heard before. Sometimes I just need to remind myself. Like Peter says,

Since Jesus went through everything you're going through and more, learn to think like him. Think of your sufferings as a weaning from that old sinful habit of always expecting to get your own way. Then you'll be able to live out your days free to pursue what God wants instead of being tyrannized by what you want.
1 Peter 1:4 The Message

Anam Cara and Valentines

I have an anam cara! What better Valentine than that?

Anam cara is Celtic for "soul friend". A soul friend is one who is sensitive to the soul of another. It's a deep friendship that takes in the essence of who you are; sees that part of you that isn't visible yet makes you uniquely you.

Perhaps it is essential that everyone have an anam cara for I wonder how well we can actually ever know ourselves. We are so very complex and our minds are sometimes so very simple. We can only see our physical selves in photographs; mirrors show us reversed images and therefore cannot be counted as accurate. We can't see our souls at all causing people to debate what they are and even if they exist. To some, the soul is interchangeable with the mind; to others the soul is interchangeable with the personality or the spirit. I don't know what I believe about the soul- I don't think it's the mind but I know it exists because sometimes it hurts. I think that soul pain is probably the most painful type of pain- deeper than physical pain or mental anguish.

And so then, how necessary to have an anam cara- one who can "see" my soul for me. And with that ability comes great responsibility. If I can see someone's soul- the very thing that defines who they are- and they are unable to see it, I have the responsibility to reveal it back to them- to show them the rough places, to help them polish, to guide them as they learn about it. And this, according to Celtic tradition, is the responsibility of an anam cara; to see my soul, communicate with it, reveal it back to me, hold me accountable for making it the best possible.

Someone who knows me better than I know myself. Someone who only wants what's best for me. Someone who will hold me accountable when I don't measure up- when I miss the mark. And when I fail miserably they sense my contrition and hold me, love me... forgive me.

So you want an anam cara, you say?

I will talk to the Father, and he'll provide you another Friend so that you will always have someone with you. This Friend is the Spirit of Truth. The godless world can't take him in because it doesn't have eyes to see him, doesn't know what to look for. But you know him already because he has been staying with you, and will even be in you! John 14:16-17 (The Message)

Happy Valentine's Day.

Hold Fast

There's a website that I've grown to like a lot: Biblegateway.com. I love my Bible, don't get me wrong, but there's a lot to appreciate about a website that can look up just one word in the Bible and help you find the verse. You don't even have to have the word right- as long as you have the general topic!

Tonight I looked up the exact phrase, "love the Lord your God" and found 13 references. The first 10 references were in the Old Testement and the last 3 were the words of Jesus in the synoptic gospels. Once upon a time (not so very long ago) I errantly thought that this was the first of the 10 Commandments; it's not. In fact, it's not one of the 10 Commandments at all. It is a plea by Moses to the people of Israel after he gives them the 10 Commandments; a plea to love God by obeying His commands; that these commands are to be inscribed on our hearts and impressed upon our children; that our obedience to them will demonstrate our love for Him.

In several of the verses, we are also instructed to simultaneously "hold fast" to God. That intrigued me. Hold fast? Why? Is God trying to go somewhere? to get away from us? No, God is not going anywhere. In fact, we are reminded repeatedly in scripture that He will never leave us or forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6, Deuteronomy 31:8, Joshua 1:5,Psalm 94:14, Hebrews 13:5,Matthew 28:20b). Then why the need to "hold fast"?

We hold fast because life is trying desperately to rip Him from our grasp. Satan is waiting to devour us, stalking us like a hungry lion, waiting for us to let go just long enough for him to strike (1 Peter 5:8). Notice it doesn't say that God is having any trouble holding on to us; only that we will have to strive to hold on to Him. Praise God that Jesus promises that His grip is good (John 10:28-29)!

I teach my students that in order to soothe a squirming, 1/2 awake infant back into sleep to accomplish a thorough assessment, they should hold the baby's hand. Holding hands is very soothing and will settle the infant back into a quiet rest that allows easier assessment. For some reason, they're always surprised when this works so well! But we are all innately "holders". I was a blanket holder, just like Linus. Some of the stuffed animals that I see in my job are further proof that we like to "hold on" for security. People hold on to material things, hold on to relationships, hold onto memories, and old hurts. But it only makes sense that the more we're holding on to, the harder it is to get that "fast" grip on God.

I know that the most important command is to love God with all my heart, soul, and mind (Matthew 22:37) but I've missed this instruction to "hold fast". I'm sorry that I've so often neglected this part of the plea to love God. It's time I take a long, hard look at exactly what I'm holding so tightly in my hands. I believe I need to empty my hands, let go of some things, so that I can hold on just a little tighter to God.

Resting in the Quiet

Come, let us worship and bow down: let us kneel before the LORD our maker. For he is our God; and we are the people of his pasture, and the sheep of his hand. Psalm 95:6-7

This is how church started for me, week after week, year after year, as a little girl. We had a beautiful stained glass window of Jesus carrying a lamb. I knew I was that lamb (or at least the one walking by his side). The liturgy said so, "we are his sheep". How interesting for me when I actually found this verse in the Bible! I had no idea as I child that what I read from the front of my hymnal every week was actually scripture. But there was more to it...more that we didn't read every week in church.

The "more" goes on to say that "Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did at Meribah, as you did that day at Massah in the desert...I was angry with that generation; ...They are a people whose hearts go astray and they have not known my ways. So I declared on oath in my anger, 'They shall never enter my rest'" (FYI: at Meribah and Massah, the Israelites complained to Moses of being thirsty and questioned if God was even with them in this trip. See Exodus 17)

Why didn't we read that part? Why weren't we schooled in the importance to not turn a deaf ear on the Lord? And what was that about rest? Never enter His rest?!? Well that just doesn't settle well with me at all!

I like rest. And God says that if I am to enter His rest, I must not turn a deaf ear to Him; I must come to know His ways. And if I am to hear Him, it is preferential that I be quiet (Habakkuk 2:20, Zephaniah 1:7); be still (Psalm 46:10); and wait on Him (Psalm 37:7). To avoid his anger (that would prevent me from resting) I am to seek a quiet and disciplined life (Zephaniah 2:3). God likes quiet so much, He uses it as an illustration for Himself; in 1 Kings 19:12, Elijah didn't find God in any of the powerful noisy things, but only in the quiet, "gentle whisper". There is great power in quiet and God knows it. Perhaps my favorite illustration is in Isaiah 18:4 when God says that He, himself, will be quiet "like shimmering heat in the sunshine".

Jesus liked being quiet and repeatedly told people to do things quietly. In Matthew 5 Jesus retreated to a quiet place and told people (in chapter 6) to do good things for others "quietly" and to find a "quiet" place to pray. The leper he healed in chapter 8 was told to go and show himself "quietly" to the priests. When we are quiet, we please God for "a gentle and quiet spirit...is of great worth in God's sight" (1 Peter 3:4)

I want to learn to quiet my soul like the Psalmist in 131. To sit quietly, like Mary, at the feet of Jesus and to bask in the quiet and powerful warmth radiating from Him. And as I sit at His feet, the results, He says, will be "peace...quietness and confidence forever. (I) will live in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes,(and) in undistrubed places of rest" (Is. 32:17-18). Now that's a promise I can rest in!

Prove It!

Yesterday at the gym, I got to watch part of the movie Bruce Almighty. Now before you make any judgement calls, know that I didn't see the whole thing and that I certainly am not endorsing the movie per se! But there was something amusing in it that caused me to catch myself saying, "Ha! How true!"

Bruce is screaming mad at God, declaring to his girlfriend Grace (how ironic is that?) that God has forgotten him. Then, when he storms out of the house, he demands signs from God. Over and over God gives Bruce signs. Unfortunately (for him) they are subtle and he just doesn't get it. There is a simple road sign declaring "Caution Ahead" and then a truck passes by with tons of signs such as "Wrong Way" and "Dead End". We're on the outside looking in. We giggle at the subtle "obviousness" of God. Finally, Bruce crashes his car into a light pole. There he screams out his frustration with God and demands that God smite him and put him out of his misery. Interestingly enough, God hears and decides to get personally involved!

I have never felt comfortable demanding signs from God. I always thought it disrespectful and a sign of poor faith. But deep in my heart, I've always wanted to do it. "Show me, God. Prove to me that you're there. That you haven't removed yourself from mankind. Show me that you know who I am; what I'm going through; where I'm struggling to live out this puny life. Just give me a sign! (And please, if you don't mind...make it obvious!)" There is one character (and I mean that in the truest sense of the word) in the Bible that somehow gets away with it though- Gideon.

Gideon is hiding, threshing wheat in a winepress. I don't know much about wheat threshing or winepresses but somehow I don't get the feeling that he was working in the most ideal of conditions. He's angry at God and when approached by God's angel, he lets him know, in no uncertain terms, that he doesn't have one iota of faith that God is involved in His people's lives. Yet it is Gideon that God has chosen to lead His people into victory over Midian.

Gideon is weak in faith. And despite multiple obvious signs from God, it appears it never really gets much better. In Judges 7:9-12 God tells Gideon,

"Get up and go down to the camp. I've given it to you. If you have any doubts about going down, go down with Purah your armor bearer; when you hear what they're saying, you'll be bold and confident." He and his armor bearer Purah went down near the place where sentries were posted.

Do you see it? God knew that Gideon was going to have trouble believing Him. And Gideon was true to form...he took Purah with him, down to hear the Midianites themselves say that God was going to hand them over to Gideon. He had to hear it from human beings rather than believe God, Himself!

Why does God have so much patience with Gideon? Why does He go to great lengths to give Gideon whatever he needs to cause him to believe? Would He ever have that much patience with me? Could I demand a wet blanket on a dry ground or to have my gift burnt to a crisp by the single touch of a visitor?

I find it interesting that Gideon is listed in the Hebrews 11 Faith Hall of Fame- someone who required such obvious proof; who had no problem asking God to "prove it". God even gave him proof the last time before he asked for it, knowing him well enough to know that His word just wasn't going to be enough.

God had something huge planned for Gideon. He desired to use Gideon, weak faith and all, to lead His people to victory. Because Gideon's faith was so weak, God's signs had to be obvious. God will do what needs to be done to accomplish His purpose. So maybe God doesn't have me picked out to be a mighty warrior leading people into battle for Him. But He does know me and He knows how much proof I need to believe Him. So maybe sometimes my faith is weak. Maybe sometimes I wish I had just a little more proof of what God is up to. But I can rest assured that He is faithful and willing to show me what I need to be shown to believe. He did it for Gideon. I believe He'll do it for me!

Open Eyes

Luke 24:13-32

I've always loved the story of the road to Emmaus. I've pictured it in my head, longing to be one of the two people who walked with the "disguised" Jesus. How wonderful it must have been to have your eyes opened the way they did concerning the prophecies regarding Jesus and then to have them opened again at the dinner table! "Whoa! I knew there was something special about that guy!"

Today, Oswald talked about satisfying lust and how it leads to dejection, depression and oppression. He's not talking about lust the way we have come to think of it but lust as the desire that whatever it is that we want, we must have it NOW. It becomes overwhelmingly consuming in our life. And when we lust after something, that overwhelming consumption removes God from the throne and usurps his place.

I have lusted after things in this manner: a new job, a new house, peace in a relationship. I have allowed myself to be consumed with receiving the answer to my prayers. I have unwittingly been just like the travelers on the road to Emmaus who were so insistant on getting their answer to prayer- their redeemer for Israel- that they completely missed the fact that He was walking side by side with them!!! Like those travelers, I have been so worried about what did or didn't happen on the third day that I have missed the point of the crisis: an opportunity to find Him, right by my side.

Oh, Lord, may it be that my eyes will be open at the start of the journey and that my prayers will find me right where I need to be: in fellowship with you rather than searching frantically for my answer.

Wondering

On Friday morning a man and a boy left on a journey. Today when they return, they will not be a man and a boy but two men. I wonder how a mother reacts to that?

An Invitation to Freethinkers Everywhere

I was asked yesterday by a Freethinker if I had studied the Koran or the Bhagavad-Gita and I must admit that I haven't. And I'm eager to ask you, Freethinker, where you would recommend that I start? Assuming you've studied them, I'd like to know what your favorite parts are and where you would suggest I start reading? (Please, I'm serious! I am not being sarcastic!) I would love to know what it is that holds people to other religions. I know What (Who) holds me to mine!

I vistited your blog site and was surprised to see that you are "unencumbered by religion". I too, am unencumbered by religion. What some might call my religion, is in fact, a relationship. So I guess if relationships are "encumbering" then I am encumbered in way too many! My marriage, my children, my friends, my family, but first and foremost, my God. Unfortunately, I don't believe you, Freethinker, when you say you are unencumbered by religion!! Your blogroll would suggest that you are quite encumbered in being "unencumbered"!!! It appears that you are very busy in your efforts to avoid God!

Come again, Freethinker; come often. I would love to have you visit and perhaps learn that a relationship with a God who loves you, who would die for you, is anything but encumbering! It is life saving, life giving, it is life itself! You, my friend, are welcome anytime for that is what it means to be part of the body of Christ; to be welcomed with open arms to a place where you might meet Someone who can really make sense out of this life!

But we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength.
1 Corinthians 1:23-25