But I did it anyway. Not really kicking and screaming, but not excited either. It was more like going to the doctor when you know you're sick. Resignation.
Psalm 85. It said he could restore me. Bring back good times. It said he'd done it before- he could do it again. And I was reading it from a bible study by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. She kept asking me to look up scriptures about Jesus. How did Jesus embody this verse? How was that verse accomplished by the cross? And to tell the truth, I had to read it in two different versions, assimilate the two, to get to what I think she was getting at. It felt like a stretch.
So there it was. God's voice. Why did he want me to read a psalm about him restoring good times to his people and then focus on Jesus, who is never once mentioned in the psalm and if there are references to him, they are buried very deeply? What did Jesus have to do with this? I've been studying the character of God. I could have easily gone there with this psalm. But Jesus?
I've been feeling lonely lately... surrounded by lots and lots of people but very, very alone. I've wondered why all these people haven't been able to help me feel not quite so lonely. Maybe God just wanted me to remember that Jesus was a person too. That in him, my relationship with him, I might find what I'm looking for. Somehow it's easier to look to a human Jesus to help me through this. One who's been through it; who understands what it feels like to be misunderstood, or unwanted, or unable to accomplish everything there is to be accomplished. What it feels like to be interrupted, unappreciated, or tired. What it means to expect one thing and get something else, to feel like you'd accomplished something important only to have it rejected.
yeah... maybe that's it.
Now that we know what we have—Jesus, this great High Priest with ready access to God—let's not let it slip through our fingers. We don't have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He's been through weakness and testing, experienced it all—all but the sin. So let's walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help.
Hebrews 4:14-16 (The Message)
5 comments:
2 Corinthians 1:3-7
p.s. Good to have you blogging again. :)
so many times, my lack of trust has been caused by my inability to understand how Jesus could possibly understand what I'm dealing with.
I believe that is at least partly why Paul wants us to identify with Christ's suffering. Not only do we get a better glimpse of what he did for us, but also how we can't one-up him in the suffering department. Of course we better trust a friend who understands. When we identify with his suffering we understand how he identifies with ours.
Hello Allison,
I hope that, in the month since you posted this, your perspective is changing in ways that bring you happiness.
One of the most amazing features of my walk with God is that he has taught me to talk with Him about everything, almost all the time. A big chunk of what I say to Him is thanks: "Thank You for knowing how I feel," "Thank You for understanding why this bothers me, even though I can't figure it out." It's a frequent reminder that His promise "Lo, I am with you alway" doesn't mean something abstract or distant.
I ask for help, I ask for guidance, but the frequent thoughts of thanks are like a child holding his Daddy's hand. I praise God for the gift of the Holy Spirit reminding me to be chatty with my Father.
Happy Sabbath!
I am slowly learning how to welcome lonely times. What was once fearful and sad to me is now peaceful and very good. I had to become extremely lonely in order to see myself as I really was (scary at times)and then to see Him as He really is, and THAT was something beautiful I was not counting on. I can hear and see Him so clearly when all distractions are far away from me. I have been and still am overwhelmed that He cares for me more than I ever understood care, and love took on a whole new dimension for me. He has been patiently waiting and waiting, and waiting and ... until I finally got quiet because I was lonely. I am beginning to inwardly now feel Him, taste Him, see Him. I now feel very safe and strong in the silence, not in the comradery and noise. Now when I feel intensely lonely I know for a fact that good things are about to happen.
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