I've been having problems with praise lately. With the transition going on at church, it's been hard to feel God as a friend and praise has been difficult. I know in the depths of my soul that He is truly a friend. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that when I look back on this difficult time, I will be able to see how it was a good thing and that He was being the best kind of friend. Praise will be easier then. But for now, it's not.
I want that to change. I want to praise Him and feel the intimacy that I've come to know. I'm not mad at Him; I'm just hurt. And until I read a little on how God wants us to worship, I believed that that pain had to be gone before I could worship Him in "spirit and in truth".
When I looked up the verses about worshiping in spirit and in truth, I found to my delight that they are the very words of Jesus. (I've told you before that those are my favorite kinds of verses- the ones where Jesus himself is talking). He is telling the Samaratin woman at the well that the time has come that all people- even Samaratins- are able to worship God and receive salvation. But reading it in The Message helped me with my problem:
"It's who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That's the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship. God is sheer being itself—Spirit. Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration."
-John 4:23-24
My worship must engage my spirit in the pursuit of truth. My spirit is in pain. It doesn't say my spirit has to be pain free or happy before I can pursue God. I stand there, in my pain, and I search for Him- the Truth. I pursue Him. I run to His side. And when I find Him, there is comfort there.
Lord, teach me to listen to my heart;
Teach me to welcome change, instead of fearing it.
Lord,I give You these stirrings inside me,
I give You my discontent,
I give You my restlessness,
I give You my doubt,
I give You my despair.
I give You all the longings I hold inside.
Help me to listen to these signs of change, of growth;
to listen seriously and follow where they lead
through the breathtaking empty space of an open door.
-Celtic Daily Prayer
Now, that may not have been the kind of motion that the google searcher was looking for, but for me, that movement through that open door, into that breathtaking empty space of the path He has prepared for me, into that Truth- that movement is exciting, uplifting, encouraging.
But I still don't have a name for those praise dancers!!
2 comments:
every time I've read that prayer (MANY, I assure you), I've marveled at the empty space of an open door. When did I get old and find empty space intimidating? Back in the day, I couldn't ignore empty space - I had to explore. Open door, walk through. The empty space is intimidating because we loiter in the entryway while being beckoned to pass.
as for change - I've been pondering again Ezra 3 and what is said of the worship and grieving taking place at the foundation of the new Temple. I wonder if complaining at loss is not also a form of praise. Far off, shouts of joy and cries of sadness sound the same and can't be distinguished one from another.
No doubt God mourns the loss of things that should never have been lost. Surely He rejoices in what is not yet but will surely be.
You and I, of all people, know that hope blossoms to fruit. It is not always timely, but if one (or two) waits on the Lord, he will soar on wings like eagles, and surely that is praise in motion.
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