Bread and Fish for All

There's something about spring that causes life to get a little bit too hectic. I'm always amazed by my calendar each spring- there's so much written on it. Kids' big end-of-year school trips, concerts, track meets, recitals. And then for some reason, there's all these other things, like doctor's appointments and such that I've completely forgotten about! I don't even have time to go to the gym! I get so busy that I easily fall away from my time alone with God.

This morning, I sat down to read my Oswald and looked back in my journal mourning that for the first time since I've had it, there were pages and pages over the past 2 weeks that were empty. I decided I'd try to read some of the days I'd missed and went back to the first day, March 9th. How "Oswald" of him... it was about falling away and chosing to leave Jesus' side.

When Jesus' teachings got too hard, many of his disciples (according to the end of John, chapter 6) decided they would no longer follow Jesus. Jesus asked his handpicked twelve, "Are you leaving too?" There is such wisdom in Peter's answer. "Who would we go to? You alone have the words of life".

My problem is that I never take the time to hear Jesus ask if I'm leaving. I never consider who else I'd turn to. I know that when I turn to myself or family or friends or schedules to follow, I am purposeless and unhappy. There is no abundant life in that. I know He asks. I'm just not always listening. And I know that if I took the time to answer, my answer would be the same as Peter's. So the lesson today is to always ask yourself, to whom would you go, Allison? Who else has bread and fish for all?

Prior Experience Required

ex·pe·ri·ence Pronunciation Key (k-spîr-ns)
n 1. The apprehension of an object, thought, or emotion through the senses or mind: a child's first experience of snow.
2.a. Active participation in events or activities, leading to the accumulation of knowledge or skill: a lesson taught by experience; a carpenter with experience in roof repair.
b. The knowledge or skill so derived.
Dictionary.com

I have been contemplating the power of "experience" lately. How interesting that it would come up in such a powerful way this past Tuesday. On that evening I attended a creative movement and worship class held by the members of The Ballet Magnificat. During this event, the teacher stated that in order for us to be creative, we must deal with our experiences. As we moved around the room, we were called to express, through "creative" motion, emotions, questions, our names. But this was very difficult for the members of the class who were very young (our ages ranged from six or seven to... well... older!) At one point, the teacher pointed me out and said that he detected great facial expression from me, probably due to my "years" granting me more "experiences".

My musings on experience were triggered by ponderings on how we are to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God loves us. Love is abstract, not tangible, not provable. Yet, I believe that God wants us to KNOW that we are loved. I did not experience walking physically beside Jesus as John did to know that I am beloved. I did not experience watching him die on the cross so that I might know that this is the greatest love, that a friend lay down his life for his friends. But experience is how I come to KNOW something. According to Dictionary.com, it is how I apprehend, take hold, understand a concept. I "experience" it through my mind or senses. So I am left to ponder how I know his love through what I do experience.

God gave me five senses. This time of year, they are overwhelmed by his creation- He is the ultimate in "creativity". He gave me eyes to see the beauty around me. Ears to hear the birds, the laughter of children, the sweet words of friends. Taste to experience apples, chocolate and kisses. Smell to experience flowers, fresh cut grass and the fresh cleanness after the rain. Touch to feel the softness of my son's pet rabbit, the strength of my husband's muscles, the warmth and power of the sun. I believe He gave us these five senses so that we could experience Him through his expression of himself- his creation.

I cannot experience with my five senses, the glorious physical presence of God. No one can. God knows this. He has always made his presence known to people in ways they could experience with their senses. Moses saw the flames, perhaps felt the heat from the burning bush. He heard God's voice with his ears. Elijah experienced God through hearing and touch in the gentle whisper of a breeze. These are the ways God has provided for us to experience Him because His physical presence is more than we can bear in our sinful state. Isaiah knew this when he said,"Woe is me...for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty!" (Isaiah 6:5)

Do you ever think that creation went just a little overboard sometimes? I mean, look at the ridiculousness of some of it (giraffes, platypusses); the vastness (stars we can't see, planets too far away to be appreciated); the grandiosity (the Grand Canyon, Niagra Falls); the diversity (tropical fish, hundreds of different species of ants!) Was this all necessary? Wouldn't we all be just fine with just one species of ant? (preferrably not fire ants!) I beleive this is His way of telling us how important it is that we know Him and experience his love for us. It's how excited He is to express to us that He loves us. We can look at Him and tell Him it wasn't necessary, He "shouldn't have", but we know, deep down, that we appreciate it- that it makes us feel loved, desired, wanted.

So I have a few years on my counterparts in a dance class. Good for me. All the more to experience the love of my God!

Thought for the Day

Work from the heart for your real Master, for God, confident that you'll get paid in full when you come into your inheritance. Keep in mind always that the ultimate Master you're serving is Christ.
Colossians 3:23-24

Have a good day!

A Beautiful Evening

Last night we went to witness Ms. Mariclaire's swan song. Mariclaire is Molly's ballet teacher and the prima ballerina for the Columbia City Ballet. She danced the lead in Giselle, which, according to The State was her first ever solo recital piece. How appropriate to start and end on the same ballet. She was absolutely beautiful. The whole ballet was beautiful. My date was beautiful. My daughter was beautiful. The whole evening was beautiful. I guess I just wish everyone could have experienced all the beautifulness!

A Friend in God

Sometimes (ok, more often than sometimes) I believe, in the depths of my soul, to the very marrow of my being, that I am an unlovable person. This morning as I was pondering this and wondering why I feel this way, I wondered how I might, perhaps, change my way of thinking. This would probably be a good thing to change.

People, I can understand not loving me. They are people. People have to be taught how to love and still it seems hard for some. We give love conditionally and that makes it not safe. God, however, must be different. His very nature, according to John, is love: (1 John 4:8). I understood this growing up as a child. I knew God is love. But God loved cities and nations. He loved the Israelites. Jesus loved Jerusalem. He so loved the world. Somewhere in there, I missed the individual people part. Yes, I sang "Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so" but there was something in my little one heart that didn't really believe it. So I decided to look in the Bible and see where it tells me so.

Although 1 John seemed like a good place to start, I wanted to start closer to the beginning. Proverbs 17:17 tells me that a friend loves at all times. So a true friend is what I need. In Psalm 34:15, I am told that God keeps an eye on his friends, that his ears pick up at every moan and groan of his friends. In Psalm 37:28 I am assured that God never turns from His friends. So if I could have a friend who loved at all times, God would be a good one; I would be listened to, watched over and never left alone. This would be exactly where I would want to be. But does God still have human friends? I know, He used to.

Jehosphat called Abraham God's friend in 2 Chronicles 20:7 and I can believe this is true when reading God's covenant blessing on Abram:

I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you (Genesis 12:2-3)

Yes, these sound like the words of a true friend. God has another friend in the Old Testement. He says it with His own mouth so I definitely believe it is true. He says, "have you noticed my friend, Job?" (Job 2:3 the Message). Job recognizes that God is his friend in Job 29:4 when he says that God's friendship blessed his house. Ok. So people can be God's friend- you don't have to be a whole nation or a world to be loved by God.

But somehow I have problems putting myself in the same category as people as wonderful and well known as Job and Abraham! Lord, help my unbelief! So on to the new testament. Jesus had friends. We know he hand picked 12 very good friends. He loved his friends. It says so in John 11:5 "Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus". So you didn't have to be one of the disciples for him to love you. And it wasn't based on their behavior either. Jesus even loved people who had a hard time doing what He asked. In Mark 10:20-22, Jesus loved the man who couldn't sell all he had and follow him. So Jesus can love people, even when their behavior doesn't demonstrate that He is first in their lives! Job had a wise young friend named Elihu who reminded Job that God is not dependent on our behavior. Our behavior does not change who God is or his affections (Job 35:7-8). Could this mean that God could still love us, despite our unlovableness?

I want to be God's friend. I want to be certain of His love for me. Jesus said in John 15:13 that "greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends". I don't believe that Jesus laid down his life for only Peter, John, Andrew and the rest of the 12. Even if you add in Martha, Mary and Lazarus, I think he died for more. He says in John 15:15 "I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you." I have His word. I know His business. I am called His friend. "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love." (John 15:9).

To be Jesus' intimate friend. The thought stirs my soul and quickens my heart. Something inside of me knows this is true. God is my friend. And a friend loves at all times. And there is no greater love demonstrated than when a friend dies for His friend...and that's just what my friend did...He died for me...(and Peter, and Andrew, and John, Lazarus, Martha, Mary....and you).

1 John 4:10
This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins

Finding a Purpose for Squirrels

Last night's post was my lesson on how to put a picture on my blog. I took those pictures out my kitchen window, where I so often sit for my time alone with God. There really isn't any deep meaning or purpose behind them; the silly squirrel just caught my attention (and distracted me) so I took his picture. If I thought long and hard enough about it, I might be able to 'invent' some deep spiritual meaning but this morning it just feels like too much of an effort!

Last night, Rod & I were talking about serving God and being "missional God-followers". I told him that I believe that most Christians are NOT "missional God-followers". We get saved, many times at a young age, and decide that praying and living a good life are what it's all about. This is our sacrifice...how we've chosen to live. You live your way; I'll live mine. And hence, we begin to have no more intimate feelings for God than a sentimentality for the church (the building or institution or maybe- if we're lucky- even the people in our Sunday School class). Serving God goes, at most, as far as babysitting in the 2 year old Sunday School or leading a small group of believers in Bible study. There are missional Christians...but they are not us. They are the ones we highlight in our Missions Conference every spring. Surely God understands this; doesn't He? I mean, He's ok with it, right?

Well, as per norm, Oswald had something to say about this this morning. He says,

It's easier to serve God without vision, easier to work for God without a call, because then you are not bothered by what God requires; common sense is your guide, veneered over by Christian sentiment.

In other words, we "everyday, working Christians" come by this attitude quite naturally- it's the easy way.

But what would happen if we became sensitive to what God requires? Paul was sensitive to what God requires and he became a fanatic! He talked about sacrificing our bodies as "living sacrifices" and equated all he had ever had or done as nothing but "mere rags". But beyond Paul, the ultimate example is Jesus Himself. He was sensitive to what God required and he came, poured himself out for us, was tortured and accomplished the impossible. Now that's a calling! No wonder we take the easy road!

I refuse to be daunted by this. I believe enough in the power of my God to know that He will supply me with all I would need to serve Him the way He would require. A very wise friend of mine once said that we should all be in a position at all times where we have one person spiritually stronger than us, mentoring us, speaking into our lives, challenging us and another person with whom we are doing the same- we are mentoring them, challenging them, praying for and with them. How blessed I am that I have people "above" me speaking into my life. And although there may be people on the flip side, into whose lives I speak, it is not intentionally missional. It's done haphazardly, subconsciously, "accidently".

I don't believe that God wants us to serve Him "by accident". I believe He wants us to know exactly what His call on our lives is and for us to respond in kind. Unlike my squirrel pictures, I believe He wants us to be intentional, to serve with purpose. We don't inspire people to give their lives to Christ by being pretty pictures on the shelf. We weren't saved to be trophies. We were saved to serve.

To Blog of Squirrels

This evening I will blog about squirrels.
































And btw: Happy Birthday, Abby!

Taking a Leap

Luke 18:31-42

Jesus and his best friends are on the road to Jerusalem. There, every awful thing that has been prophesied about the death of the Messiah will come to pass. Jesus warns the disciples clearly- no metaphors, no parables, no vagueness. And they just don't get it. They have no idea what on earth he's talking about. In Luke 18:31-42, the story of the disciples' confusion stops. You assume that maybe they discussed it among themselves and pretty much just let it drop. "Oh well, you know Him- never makes any sense. Certainly this is not something we can understand."

But another story goes on: A blind man hears the commotion of Jesus passing by and asks, rather loudly, rather obnoxiously, what is going on. He cries out to Jesus to have mercy on him. The people around him are annoyed at the disturbance he is creating and ask him to be quiet. He persists in his calling out and it draws Jesus to him, where he gets to ask Jesus directly- face to face- to heal him and give him sight. He asks for the impossible. He takes a leap of faith and believes that Jesus can heal him. And he is given sight- immediately.

How often am I like the disciples, convinced that this is an area too great to be dealt with or understood? That it would be useless to involve God in the hopelessness of understanding this situation or seeing a way through? How often do I fail to ask? If only the disciples would have asked, like the blind man, for sight, Jesus surely would have pursued this troublesome topic with them. Perhaps then they would have been better prepared for the road that lay before them. But they didn't ask. And they weren't given sight.

How much more often I need to be like the blind man. To stand and make noise, create a disturbance before God until he quiets me with sight. How much more do I need to take wild leaps of faith to believe that Christ can- and will- accomplish the impossible in me...if only I ask and believe.