Been There Done That

I've been so sad lately. Lots of reasons so I'm not really too worried about it but I just seem to be going deeper down instead finding my way back up to the top. And that part's unusual. What's also unusual (although not that unusual) is that I got a little upset with God about it today. I told him he was boring. I know he knew I didn't really mean it. But I was just expressing that in all of the excitement of life, all the things there were to do, all the things I wanted to do vs. all the things I had to do, reading the Bible and praying just didn't seem very exciting. And they certainly didn't seem like a very likely way to cheer myself up.

But I did it anyway. Not really kicking and screaming, but not excited either. It was more like going to the doctor when you know you're sick. Resignation.

Psalm 85. It said he could restore me. Bring back good times. It said he'd done it before- he could do it again. And I was reading it from a bible study by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. She kept asking me to look up scriptures about Jesus. How did Jesus embody this verse? How was that verse accomplished by the cross? And to tell the truth, I had to read it in two different versions, assimilate the two, to get to what I think she was getting at. It felt like a stretch.

So there it was. God's voice. Why did he want me to read a psalm about him restoring good times to his people and then focus on Jesus, who is never once mentioned in the psalm and if there are references to him, they are buried very deeply? What did Jesus have to do with this? I've been studying the character of God. I could have easily gone there with this psalm. But Jesus?

I've been feeling lonely lately... surrounded by lots and lots of people but very, very alone. I've wondered why all these people haven't been able to help me feel not quite so lonely. Maybe God just wanted me to remember that Jesus was a person too. That in him, my relationship with him, I might find what I'm looking for. Somehow it's easier to look to a human Jesus to help me through this. One who's been through it; who understands what it feels like to be misunderstood, or unwanted, or unable to accomplish everything there is to be accomplished. What it feels like to be interrupted, unappreciated, or tired. What it means to expect one thing and get something else, to feel like you'd accomplished something important only to have it rejected.

yeah... maybe that's it.

Now that we know what we have—Jesus, this great High Priest with ready access to God—let's not let it slip through our fingers. We don't have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He's been through weakness and testing, experienced it all—all but the sin. So let's walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help.

Hebrews 4:14-16 (The Message)